Am I Deserving of Your Kindness?
by Biscuit15
Summary: With a dark past behind him, Squalo's mental health has dwindled to that of someone on the edge of insanity. With him trying to keep himself together with drugs and alcohol, Yamamoto can see that it's only a matter of time before Squalo is beyond help if someone doesn't step up and try to help him. AU, 80S, Yamamoto x Squalo
1. Chapter 1

"Italy is so nice." Looking around at his two friends and seeing them nodding in agreement, fourteen-year-old Yamamoto Takeshi smiled brighter; he was glad that they agreed, having not had any idea on what to expect when their mutual friend invited them to Syracuse for a holiday.

"Yeah, it is." Their host for the trip, a young blond named Dino Cavallone, pointed out a particular building on their right, a pizzeria he had often eaten at before moving to Japan for work. "We'll have lunch there; have you ever had pizza before?"

Two of the three teenagers in question shook their heads; without leaving their own country, they hadn't had many opportunities to try foreign foods - the only one of the trio who had was an Italian-Japanese male by the name of Gokudera Hayato.

"I think you guys would really like it, but I'll show you around a bit more before we eat; there's lots to see." Gesturing across the road from them, the Italian man then said, "Over there is a pasticerria; I used to go there before work to have my breakfast."

In awe of the blond's willingness to leave behind such an astounding country like Italy, the smallest of the trio, a brunet by the name of Sawada Tsunayoshi, couldn't help but question this; if he were the teacher, he wasn't sure he'd want to leave behind everything he had known for pretty much his entire life. "How come you transferred to Japan for a few months when you could have still been teaching here?"

"I thought it would be good for a change, and I don't regret it; I met you guys, after all." Patting Tsuna's head, Dino beamed down at him. Hayato scowled, his cigarette hanging out of his mouth, almost as if he were jealous someone else was touching his best friend - Tsuna knew that would most likely be the case as the silver-haired teen had always been much like an overprotective puppy towards him.

The four continued walking, Dino chatting happily as he explained bits and pieces about his hometown. The teenagers were so enthralled, they were surprised when their friend suddenly fell silent, turning his head to the left to look out towards the river flowing past the edge of the town, the rush of water audible even from a considerable distance away.

"Dino-san?" Looking up at the blond, Tsuna wondered what could have grabbed the other's attention like this; taking a closer look, he noticed someone sitting near the shore, their long, silver hair flowing languidly down their back as they rested against the trunk of a large tree. It was hard to take much notice of any other features, that beautiful hair taking all of his attention.

"Sorry, Tsuna; that's my friend." Looking down at the three, the blond offered an apologetic smile. "I'm just going to make sure he's okay; he won't stay more than a few hours with anyone, so he's always out on the streets."

The teenagers were surprised to hear this, but they didn't question it; Dino was already walking towards the long-haired person. They followed, not sure what to think; it certainly seemed that whoever was sitting out beneath the tree didn't want to be bothered by anyone – they wouldn't be out here if they were looking to socialise, after all.

Sighing as he got close enough to kneel next to his friend, Dino was gentle as he spoke; he knew the other had an extremely short temper, and it would be only too easy to get himself screamed at for trying to help.

"I thought you would still have been at my home when I got back, Squalo." Speaking in Italian, Dino cocked his head to the side. "I left food in the fridge for you in case you got hungry."

"I'm not even fucking hungry…" The long-haired man looked at his lap, his eyes narrowing in annoyance. He lifted a hand from the grass, putting it on the shoulder belonging to the body curled up in his lap that Dino hadn't noticed until now. "This brat stole a shitload of food from a street vendor; I've picked at it."

Looking around at the empty bottles of alcohol surrounding the two, Dino felt his chest hurt; no matter what he did, he could never get his friend to stop drinking – and what made matters worse was that he was bringing a _teenager _into his bad habits as well. "Has Bel been drinking?"

Squalo Superbia shook his head, absentmindedly patting the head of the boy in question. "I gave him heroin; there was only enough for one of us so I let him have it."

Dino winced, wanting to shout and rant about every single reason why that was _dangerous_, but he knew he would only be wasting his breath; Squalo didn't listen to _anyone_, and if he had been giving the smaller blond drugs at eight-years-old, he wasn't going to stop now that said boy was sixteen.

Instead of trying to explain to the younger man about everything that was wrong in this moment, Dino instead reached out, scooping the sleeping teenager into his arms. "I'll take him back to Mammon's; he should be getting some rest."

While Squalo argued against this, Takeshi looked around at his two friends, a confused smile on his face. Scratching at his cheek, he said, "What are they talking about?"

"Gokudera-kun?" Tsuna looked over to their silver-haired companion, knowing the older male would understand, him being mostly Italian himself.

Huffing, Hayato crossed his arms against his chest as he stuck his nose up in the air. "The creep's on drugs; how disgusting."

At these words, dark eyes turned to fix on the teenagers, Squalo jumping to his feet so fast, the Japanese students flinched at the sudden movement. His shout was loud enough to convince the trio that they were about to go deaf, their ears ringing from the unexpected volume. Screaming in perfect Japanese, Squalo tried to get closer to the younger group, Dino holding the back of his shirt to keep him where he was. "Voi! You little fucking shits; I can understand you! Say it to my face! Say it to my fucking face and fight me!"

While Hayato shouted back, making the problem worse, Dino got in between them, trying to diffuse the anger; he knew that if he didn't step in now, Squalo would kill them.

"Squalo! Stop!" Pushing the smaller male back, Dino stood in front of the teenagers, wishing Hayato would quiet down; the silver-haired teenager really didn't know what he was getting into by pissing Squalo off, after all. Looking down as he felt the boy stir in his arms, Dino chewed at his lip; waking up to fighting wasn't a good start to the day, especially after taking such hard drugs. "Squalo! You're upsetting Bel!"

Squalo only seemed to stop at these words, his angry eyes looking at the younger blond. "..."

"Squa..." The boy twisted, raising a hand to his face. He groaned loudly before he coughed, forcing himself to the side so he could throw up.

"Nothing I can do will stop you giving him anything, but..." Dino sighed, lifting the hem of the younger's striped shirt to wipe away vomit, "...at least only give him tiny bits... It'll make him sick again, Squalo."

"..." Grunting in response, Squalo turned his back. "Whatever; take him back to Mammon's; I don't give a shit..."

Dino sighed, farewelling his friend. He turned back to the Japanese trio, nodding at them as he started walking. He frowned as the smaller blond started crying, needing to get him back to his guardian; Squalo knew he wasn't supposed to be giving the boy drugs and alcohol, but he did so anyway, only making the other's already-questionable mental and physical health worse.

"Who was that?"

Looking down at Tsuna, Dino rocked the younger blond in a soothing manner as he said, "That's my best friend. His name's Squalo. He's been out on the streets for the past couple of months and won't let anyone help him. And this is Bel; he's a bit of a street urchin himself and you usually find them together. He's meant to be staying with one of my friends but he disappears every now and then; I think he doesn't feel very comfortable having a home."

While Hayato could understand what it's like living on the streets, Takeshi and Tsuna couldn't; the brunet was struggling to comprehend everything they had been told, while the tallest of the trio instead knew he wanted to do something to help, but didn't know how; he knew nothing of their situations, and the fact that he couldn't speak Italian and didn't know their customs and culture would only make things harder.

_**~~XX~~**_

Everyone knew Dino had money, so it came as a surprise to find that he wasn't living in some huge mansion and instead had settled for a nice house on the coast. There was plenty of room for everyone, and they were all happy to sit in the living room with Dino, snacking on the extra pizza the blond had brought back for them.

"What are we going to do tomorrow?" Tsuna asked, looking at his friends. He was content with anything; he was having fun spending time with his friends, and he didn't mind if they weren't doing anything amazing; it was nice just to have some time out for a change.

"There's an ice skating rink in town," Dino pointed out. "I haven't been there myself, but I know Mammon's taken Bel there before. He seemed to have fun."

The teenagers, trying to imagine their klutz of a friend on ice skates, chuckled; they could just imagine how many times the other would fall if they were to put him on ice.

"Ice skating sounds fun!" Takeshi smiled, cocking his head slightly. "Can we invite Squalo and Bel? They might want to join us."

"I highly doubt Squalo would want to come along, Takeshi." Gentle as he explained things to the Japanese males, Dino could feel himself becoming upset; what he wouldn't give to be able to help his friend. "He just wants to be left alone these days. He might come and stay here for a few hours, but he won't come into town at all with me anymore."

Takeshi knew these words hurt him, but he didn't express it - he couldn't express something he didn't entirely understand, after all. Deciding he would talk to Dino later when it was just between the two of them, Takeshi changed the subject. "What about Bel, then? Will he come?"

"Bel might, but that depends on if he's doing okay after having drugs; you've seen what they do to him. I'll talk to Mammon soon and she'll ask him if he's still there later today; he might go back to the streets again."

"I hope he can come." His eyes crinkling with joy, Takeshi was as kind as ever; he didn't like the idea of leaving someone out. "Squalo, too."

"What about me?"

The four occupants of the room turned around at Squalo's voice, finding the long-haired man approaching them with an agitated look on his face. The newcomer was speaking in Italian, a sure sign that he was only interested in talking to the blond.

"Don't fucking talk about me behind my back."

"We weren't, Squalo; Takeshi just wanted to know if you and Bel would like to come ice skating with us." Dino was relaxed, seeing that his friend, while clearly in a bad mood, was sober; he was much more tolerable when he wasn't drunk or high.

Squalo snorted, taking a seat on the couch next to the blond. "You on ice skates? You'll end up killing yourself and whoever's next to you."

Chuckling, Dino shook his head. "That's why I'll watch."

"Either way, I'm not fucking going." Reaching out to grab a slice of pizza for himself, Squalo shrugged. "You can get fucked if you think I will."

Dino couldn't show how disappointed he was; he knew it would only make Squalo more agitated if he were to do so. Instead, he turned to Takeshi, saying, "Squalo would rather not come with us tomorrow. I'll see if Bel would like to come instead."

"Voi! That brat already has plans with _me _tomorrow!" The sudden anger inside the long-haired male was startling, and though it made Takeshi a little nervous, he saw past the other's outburst and instead saw the hurt and worry in the younger Italian; what had happened for him to be this way?

"What plans are they, Squalo?" Dino was calm, knowing he had to keep an eye on what Squalo and Bel did together, because if he just let them go, it wouldn't end well; for the eight years Bel had been following Squalo for, the long-haired man had encouraged him into some terrible situations.

"He was going to come with me to the strip club tomorrow."

Tsuna and Takeshi, not speaking Italian, were confused when Dino's eyes became the size of saucers and he gasped. Hayato, however, scowled, understanding exactly what had been said.

"Squalo, you are _not _taking Bel to a strip club with you! He's not stripping for _any _stranger! Just because _you _do it doesn't mean _Bel _can!"

Squalo shrugged again, taking another slice of pizza. "He's sixteen; the little shit can strip for whoever he wants, and he wants to strip with me. He's already had sex because _I _let him; he's old enough to do what he wants and not what _you _and _Mammon _tell him to do."

"Squalo! He's got enough problems to deal with without you letting him add more! Why do you think he follows you around all the time? Because he knows you're the only one who can understand how much he hurts, and because _you _can numb him with drugs and alcohol. You need to stop letting him follow in your footsteps if you care about him, because you're only going to mess him up more than he already has been!"

Hayato stood up when Squalo became more aggressive at this accusation, reaching out for Tsuna's hand. "C'mon, Tenth; you don't need to hear this shit."

Tsuna allowed himself to be led away, and while Takeshi followed behind, he stopped to look back; sure, Squalo was loud and angry, but he could tell that there was something more to this than meets the eye, and he wanted to know how he could help – he hated leaving his friends hurting, after all.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Dino kept his promise and was about to take his students out to the ice skating rink. He had called his friend and asked if Bel wanted to join them, and relieved when he was told to come and pick the blond up on his way in; even if Bel had been forced to come, it was better than letting him go to a strip club where who-knows-what would happen to him. Parking his car outside his friend's home, he turned around to look at the three teenagers sitting in the back.

"Alright, guys, Bel's a little unstable, so try not to upset him." His hazel eyes flicking over the younger three, Dino knew he would have to warn them before they unintentionally set the newcomer into a frenzy. "I know sometimes he's the one trying to upset _you, _but don't retaliate to anything he says; walk away and come to me, alright?"

While Tsuna and Takeshi nodded at these words, willing to give the younger blond a chance to prove himself, Hayato scowled, wishing the tallest of the trio had never asked for any outsiders to come along; it should just be the four of them and no one else.

"Let's go in." Turning the car off, Dino pulled the keys from the ignition before unclipping his seatbelt, getting out to stand on solid ground. The Japanese trio soon followed suit, looking over to the house in question; unlike Dino's modest home, this house bordered on mansion.

"They must have lots of money, too," Tsuna said, his eyes flicking over the sprawling green lawns and the fountain not far from where they were standing.

Dino laughed. "Of course she does, but she wouldn't have parted with so much money to buy this herself; Mammon only lives here because it's been a family home for generations. She loves her money and won't willingly part with it, so if she tries to scam you, don't give her anything; she charges ridiculous prices just for talking to her."

"You hang out with a bunch of freaks," Hayato said, taking one last puff of his cigarette before throwing it on the ground and stomping it out with his foot. "Do you actually know anyone _normal _in this town?"

"Well... Not really." Rubbing the back of his head in a sheepish manner, Dino chuckled. "But you get used to all their quirks after a while."

Stepping inside the huge home, the Japanese trio couldn't help but notice that whoever lived here really _did _seem to love money _too _much; there was very little decoration around the home, no photos hanging on the walls or even plants or furniture – anything to make it homier; instead, it felt empty, as if the owner of the house only cared for buying what was needed and nothing else.

"They'll be in the living room, which is just here." Pushing open the door on his right, Dino stepped in. Looking at the indigo-haired woman sitting on the couch with a stack of papers next to her, the blond moved to take the couch across from her. "Morning, Mammon."

Nodding in acknowledgement, the woman named Mammon didn't say anything as she continued scanning the sheet in her hand.

"Mammon, these are my friends." Gesturing for the youngest three to come to his side, Dino waited until they had all made themselves comfortable before introducing them. "This is Tsuna, Hayato and Takeshi."

Taking a minute before she put her paper down on her lap, Mammon finally looked over at the trio. Her eyes were hidden behind the hood she was wearing, but her lips twitched slightly at the sight of them. "Bel is going to tear them to shreds."

"He won't if he knows I'm watching him. Besides, you know better than anyone that he needs friends – _good influential friends _who don't get him involved in bad things_._"

Mammon shrugged, knowing the blond had a point; Bel _did _need some good influences in his life to try and steer him back on the right path. "He's upstairs in his room. I don't know if he's ready or not."

"I'll go check on him." Standing up to go find the boy, Dino stopped as Mammon addressed him once more.

"Squalo's here as well; he was practising with his sword last time I saw him."

"Ah, thanks." Smiling at the woman, Dino ran his fingers through his hair. "I'll go see if Bel's ready and then I'll talk to him."

Standing up before the man had a chance to leave, Takeshi moved to Dino's side. "Can I see Squalo?"

"Sure." Turning around to look at the other two teenagers still seated on the couch, Dino's smile widened. "You guys wait here; I won't be long."

Takeshi was quiet as he followed his guardian from the room, climbing the stairs with a slight bounce in his steps; he had spent his night thinking about how he could help Squalo, and the only conclusion he had been able to come to was to actually get to know the long-haired man and _ask _how he could help.

"Does Squalo have a sword?" Looking at Dino, Takeshi wasn't daunted by this implication; instead, he found it exciting; his father also had swordsmanship skills, so it was only natural Takeshi was comfortable with this.

"Yes, he does. He leaves it with Mammon and comes here every day to practise."

"That's really cool."

"He'll be in that room over there." Pointing to the room with the door halfway open, Dino knew he didn't have to worry about leaving the two alone together; if there was one thing that had always soothed the silver-haired man, it was his sword. "You can go in and talk to him if you want; he's got his sword so he'll be in a good mood for now."

Takeshi nodded, breaking away from Dino's side in order to step through the door. His eyes widened as he watched the fluid movements the long-haired man made, having only seen such grace in his father's skills; just how passionate was the man about the art in order to have this level of expertise?

"How long have you been doing this for?" Stepping closer to the man, Takeshi finally saw a bit of life in those dark eyes; was it because of his sword, or something else?

"Pretty much my whole life." Looking over his shoulder at the younger, Squalo moved to sit down on the couch opposite him. He was a little surprised by the younger's presence, but it didn't bother him; it was… nice to have someone interested in his sword.

"My father has a katana, too; he uses a style called Shigure Syouen Ryu."

"That's not a bad technique, but I've already figured out how to beat it; I've sparred against it before when I was in Japan a few years ago for competitions." Grabbing his drink bottle, Squalo drank some water before turning back to the teenager. "You do swordplay, brat?"

"Yeah, in between baseball."

Squalo's eyes narrowed at this. Standing up, he shouted, "You can't do both! You have to focus on one! Swords are something you dedicate your whole life to! Not something to do on the sidelines!"

Unafraid of the other in this moment, Takeshi asked, "Is swordplay what's keeping you going?"

Squalo fell silent at this before he muttered, "Whether or not it is, you don't need to concern yourself over it…"

"My old man feels the same way about katana as you. You're both really passionate about it."

"…" Shaking his head, Squalo sighed; he would never be able to explain just how much his life depended on his sword, much less have a little baseball brat understand – the worst thing in the younger's life was probably worrying about when he would get his next toy, after all.

"How come you keep your sword here and not at Dino's?" Cocking his head to the side, Takeshi found this strange; wouldn't it make more sense to keep it at the blond's home instead of here? What happens if Mammon sold it?

"Because there's not enough room there to practise there, and I can't be fucked dragging it around with me everywhere." Thrusting the hilt of his blade towards the teenager, an unreadable expression flashed in the man's eyes. "Show me how good you are."

"Is it really okay for me to use your katana?" Surprised that the older male was letting him touch something the other clearly valued so much, Takeshi almost hesitated to take it; he would never forgive himself if he were to damage it in any way.

"I wouldn't have fucking given it to you if it weren't." Making himself more comfortable, Squalo shrugged. "Go show me what you can do."

Takeshi nodded, accepting the weapon. Taking it over into the middle of the room, he relaxed himself before he started swinging it, carrying out the technique his father had helped him to almost perfect. He was a little nervous, wanting to impress the man as much as possible; if swordplay meant that much to Squalo, then Takeshi knew that could be their starting point in connecting properly.

Squalo watched with a careful gaze, drinking in every flaw and precision the younger had to offer in his skills. For a teenager, the man was impressed with his technique, seeing the potential in the other and wanting to help Takeshi perfect it completely; when he was done with the kid, Takeshi would be a better swordsman than he was, Squalo would be sure of that.

"You're not bad, but you've still got a ways to go." Accepting the sword that was handed back to him, Squalo rested it by his side. "Come back here tomorrow morning; I'll get another sword for you."

Takeshi nodded, knowing instantly that that was what he wanted. "I'll be here, Squalo. I –"

Looking over to the door as it opened, Takeshi was almost a little disappointed to see Dino poking his head in; he had been getting along with Squalo so well, he might almost have gotten the man to think of him as a friend.

"Where's Bel?" Noticing that the smaller blond was still absent, Takeshi cocked his head to the side; Bel _was _still coming with them, right?

Dino chuckled nervously before he said in a delicate manner, "Bel… needs some privacy for a bit longer."

"Why?"

"He's jerking off again." Squalo shrugged as his friend tried to shush him, not seeing anything wrong with telling the kid what was going on; he was old enough to know what hormones did to teenagers anyway. "What? Don't shelter the fucker or he's going to grow up retarded. Bel is very hormonal; he'll work that shit out for himself soon enough – might as well get him prepared sooner than later."

"Squalo, can you…" Sighing, Dino knew it was no use; Squalo didn't believe in sugar coating things no matter who he was talking to. "Never mind… Takeshi, Bel shouldn't be much longer, so do you want to come back downstairs and we'll get some gelato while we wait?"

"Okay." Turning back to Squalo, Takeshi smiled as brightly as he could. "I'll see you tomorrow, Squalo."

Squalo didn't reply to this; he just became very interested in the hilt of his blade; it had been too long since he had gotten along with someone so calmly, and he hadn't expected for it to happen with a _teenager_.

Life really liked fucking him around, didn't it?

Downstairs, Takeshi sat around the table in the dining room with his two friends, waiting for Mammon and Dino to come back in with the gelato. Turning around as Tsuna spoke, his caramel eyes sparkled with kindness.

"Squalo didn't hurt you, did he?" Tsuna had clearly been worried over his friend's welfare.

"Of course not; Squalo's really nice." Wanting to believe he had seen the true side to the long-haired man, Takeshi refused to speak any differently about the other; he knew there was good and kindness in everyone, and that it just took a bit more in some people than in others to show, or even realise it. "I showed him my Shigure Syouen Ryu."

"You trusted that creep with a fucking _sword?_" Hayato looked horrified, his eyes wide. "He probably would have killed you with it had you pissed him off!"

"He liked me; he's not going to hurt me."

The conversation stopping as the two adults walked in with bowls of gelato in hand, Takeshi instead thanked Mammon as she handed him his. "Thank you; this looks great."

"Twenty euros." Holding her hand out expectantly, Mammon didn't move despite the blank look her guest was giving her.

"Ah, Mammon, I'll fix you up later; please don't charge the kids." Handing two more bowls to Hayato and Tsuna, Dino frowned; he was going to owe the woman a lot of money after today.

With the group eating and talking amongst themselves, none of them noticed Bel's entrance until the boy had approached Mammon's side and draped himself over her shoulders, resting his chin on her head as he frowned.

"What's wrong, Bel?" Mammon didn't move as the other leant heavily against her, used to her charge's spontaneous acts of affection; he was quite the cuddler when it came to her, despite not liking most other people coming near him at all; it seemed that the only other two he could tolerate touching him were Dino and Squalo.

"I still feel sick..." Sighing, Bel moved his head to rub his cheek against Mammon's.

"You know that's what happens after drugs; stop taking them if you don't like the after effects."

"I can't, Mammy…" His hold tightening on the woman, Bel felt a surge of panic wash through him at the idea of giving up drugs; they were his only relief, the only way he knew how to cope with what was inside him. "I can't…"

Mammon didn't reply to this, instead leaving the boy by himself. She was silent as Dino stood up and ushered the teenagers out of the dining room, and when the man farewelled her, she simply nodded at him; she hated seeing Bel like this, but she didn't know what to do; like Squalo, the boy was so dependent on drugs and alcohol, it would only make him worse to force him off everything – it could even potentially kill him if they made him go cold turkey.

Outside, Dino stopped the four teenagers. Putting his hand on Bel's shoulder, he said, "Bel, this is Hayato, Takeshi and Tsuna. I think you'll like them."

While Tsuna and Takeshi were too distracted by the sickly look on the younger blond's face to notice the other's growing smirk, Hayato sneered.

"Well, I certainly don't like _him_," the silver-haired male said, not afraid to offend anyone; he had a bad feeling about the newcomer, and he wasn't going to let anything happen to Tsuna because of this blond.

"Shishi~" Cocking his head to the side, Bel swallowed a wave of nausea before forcing his trademark smirk onto his face. "I like _you, _Hayato-kun; I've decided that you're to be my new lover. I don't mind if you want us to go slow at first; I'll settle for a good dick sucking until you're ready for me to fuck you."

No one knew what to say, all four of them absolutely shocked by what Bel had just said; even Dino, who had heard some of the crudest things ever said come out of the younger blond's mouth, stood there with his mouth gaping like a fish out of water.

It wasn't until Hayato lunged at their new companion with an angry shout did the man come to his senses and hold the silver-haired male back. "Hayato, no! That's what he wants! Ignore him!"

"I'll fucking kill him! Let go of me!" Twisting in the man's hold, Hayato was only angered further by the other's shit-eating grin widening. "I'm going to kill him!"

"Hayato! He's looking for a bite, and you're giving it to him!"

Bel opened his mouth to say something, only to stop and move to the side so that he could throw up again. Hayato stopped at this, knowing there was nothing to gain from kicking the shit out of the other if he weren't able to fight back properly; it would just make him look like a coward picking on someone in a weakened state.

Putting his hand on the other's back, Dino leant down, checking on his charge. "Are you okay, Bel? Do you want to stay home instead?"

Shaking his head, the smaller blond pushed Dino away before he wiped at his mouth and moved to get into his guardian's car. With a sigh, the young man turned back to the Japanese trio, scratching his cheek. "I'm really sorry about Bel; I didn't think he would say such things to you guys."

Hayato didn't say anything to this; he just scoffed. "Keep the fucker away from me or I'll shove dynamite down his throat…"

Dino sighed, wishing he had been able to do something to help Squalo and Bel before it got to this point – now, he knew that he probably would never be able to save them, the two already broken by their pasts.


	3. Chapter 3

Having arrived at the ice skating rink and already receiving their skates, the small group were standing by the ice, with Hayato kneeling down as he helped tighten Tsuna's laces on the skates. Dino was with them, his attention focused on his phone as he sent a quick text to Mammon to let her know that Bel was fine, albeit not wanting to participate in the others' activities. He couldn't be sure, but he was certain Mammon had made the boy come along to keep him out of bad things.

"How long have you known Squalo for?" Waiting patiently for his friends to join him on the ice, Takeshi spoke to Bel from the other side of the railing.

"Hmm?" Cocking his head to the side, the boy was curious about the sudden question; why on earth could Takeshi be asking this? Did he have an ulterior motive? It seemed that way… In a guarded manner, he asked, "Why does the peasant want to know?"

"I was just curious; you seem like you're close to him." His smile as bright as always, Takeshi didn't acknowledge it when Bel's fingers twitched, as if he were restraining himself from grabbing something.

Chewing at his lip, Bel let out a low growl. "What Squalo and I are is no one's business but our own, _peasant_."

Takeshi didn't mind the sudden aggression; he didn't feel as if Bel was going to try and hurt him, because it seemed that the boy was just upset at feeling as if someone were trying to pick him apart. He opened his mouth to respond, but he stopped when the other formed a twisted smirk and spoke again, addressing Hayato this time.

"Watching you kneel like that really makes me horny, Hayato-kun." Licking his lips, Bel stepped closer to the silver-haired male still kneeling in front of Tsuna, rocking his hips slightly by the younger's face suggestively. "Feel free to kneel before me like a good little peasant; I'll teach you how to put your mouth to best use."

"You sick fuck!" Getting back to his feet, Hayato was infuriated by the smirk on the blond's face. He didn't even try to stop himself from shoving at the older male, but overlooking the fact that Bel was standing right on the edge of ice had led to the slightly taller male losing his footing and collapsing to the ground on top of a skater who had been passing them. Another skater coming up to them panicked as he tried to stop, but he, too, came tumbling down, the blade of his skate cutting through Bel's sleeve and creating a deep gash in the boy's arm, as well as a slightly deeper wound slanting just below his eye.

Dino gasped at the realisation that Bel had been cut; if he just stood here, his charge was going to go psychotic. Dropping his phone to the ground, he rushed out onto the ice to help Bel, only to slip and fall as well, his lack of skates doing nothing for his natural clumsiness. Dragging himself towards the smaller blond, his eyes widened as he found his charge staring down at his blood-soaked sleeve stoically.

Pulling Bel's head against his chest, Dino tried to turn it so that the boy was looking anywhere but at his wound; maybe if he were lucky, the smaller male hadn't noticed the blood… But who was he kidding…? "Don't look at it, Bel. Don't look at it."

Tsuna and Takeshi had come to help, but when Bel just started to laugh, anxiety found its way into their chests; the way Bel was laughing… There was just something so _wrong _about it.

"Tsuna, go get a staff member; ask them if they have a medic on hand." Holding Bel tighter when he started to struggle, Dino bit his lip. "Quick!"

Tsuna did as he was told, leaving Takeshi alone with the older two. The Japanese male frowned as Bel's laughter only became hysterical, as if he had never found a funnier situation than the one he was currently in. "Is Bel okay?"

Shaking his head, Dino frowned. "He gets excited when he bleeds; the more blood there is, the worse he gets. He's too excited; he's not going to be able to calm himself down and he's going to have to be sedated."

"How do you know?"

"Because he's bleeding badly, and it's like euphoria for him. He's just going to keep laughing for hours until he throws up, but he still won't be able to stop."

Takeshi frowned, unable to understand; how could someone live like that? Shrugging his jacket off, he grabbed Bel's injured arm and slid the sleeve up, revealing a deep wound that was gushing blood worse than anything he had ever seen. Wrapping his jacket around it to try and stop the bleeding, he shook his head.

"I hope he's okay, Dino."

"He will be; he just needs to be sedated first." Wishing he could ask the gathering crowd to back away and give them space, Dino sighed. He rocked Bel a little, wishing Squalo was here; he and Mammon were the only two who ever seemed to have success in calming the blond down when he was like this.

_**~~XX~~**_

Stepping into his home after what felt like an eternity, Dino frowned as he noticed Squalo seated on his couch with a cup of coffee in hand; when had the younger arrived here?

"What happened to him?" Gesturing to the unconscious boy Dino was carrying bridal style, Squalo stood up to take the younger into his own arms. "He cut himself again?"

"No, it was an accident this time." Watching as Squalo took Bel over to the couch, Dino sighed. "I tried to call Mammon and tell her what happened, but she wasn't answering her phone."

"Yeah, she's out." Looking at the three youngest teenagers who were taking their seats within the living room, Squalo grunted before asking, "Did he give you any trouble?"

"He's a fucking creep!" Hayato spat, bristling in dislike. "He's obsessed with me or something!"

"Bel has been harassing him," Dino explained. "You know… _Harassing _him."

Squalo muttered something under his breath before tightening his hold on his coffee mug. He glared at Bel for a few seconds before turning away, directing his glare out of the window instead. "…"

Takeshi couldn't keep his eyes off Squalo, sensing the anger radiating from the man. Standing up from the couch, he moved to sit beside the other. He wasn't oblivious to the way Squalo flinched and moved to the side, but he didn't let it bother him; he always embraced people for who they were, and if Squalo liked his personal space, that was fine with him.

"Squalo, are you going to stay here for a while today?" Remembering how Dino had said the long-haired man never stayed in one place for long, Takeshi hoped today would be an exception; he really wanted to spend time with Squalo.

Squalo shrugged. "Why?"

"Because it'd be pretty nice if you stayed so we could all get to know each other – even Bel." His trademark smile on his face, Takeshi couldn't wait to hear his response; hopefully Squalo would agree.

Slapping the palm of his hand against his face, Squalo shook his head. "You seriously want this shithead hanging around you…?"

"Well, yeah; anyone can hang out with us; we don't mind." Ignoring the angry, 'I do!' from Hayato, Takeshi continued on. "He just needs to get a bit comfortable around us, and then he might like us."

"Bel doesn't like _anyone, _brat. Everyone is just playthings to him." Looking down at the boy on his lap, Squalo shook his head. "I'm not even sure he likes _me _and _Mammon_."

"Of course he likes you, Squalo; everyone says he follows you around everywhere."

"Yeah. Because I give him drugs and alcohol and fuck him if he can't whore himself out for the night. No one else gives him what he needs because they insist on babying him."

Takeshi frowned at this. Truthfully, he didn't quite understand what he was being told; he knew that Squalo was getting Bel drunk, but the other two things? What was the man talking about? Could someone really… do that to another person? A _teenager, _no less?

"Squalo, don't tell him things like that!" Looking over from where he had been talking to Tsuna and Hayato, Dino sent an annoyed look to his friend. "They don't need to know what you and Bel get up to."

"They're going to learn about that shit sooner or later."

"Yes, but not from _you_, Squalo."

Standing up from the couch, Squalo slung Bel over his shoulder. "Whatever. We're leaving."

"Can I come with you?" Takeshi stood up, too. He looked around at his friends when they told him to stay with them, and it couldn't help but upset him; did they not trust Squalo or something? The man was so _nice_. "Please?"

"Whatever, brat." Walking out of the living room, Squalo didn't look over his shoulder to see if the younger was following him or not. "Do what you want; I don't give a fuck."

Chasing the man out of the house, Takeshi hardly heard the others calling for him to come back, deep concern in their voices. It wasn't until Dino had ran after them did they stop and pay the blond attention.

Pointing an accusing finger at Squalo, Dino muttered, "You don't give him _anything, _Squalo. I mean it."

"I won't. For fuck's sake…" Neither Takeshi nor Dino missed the brief exhaustion that crossed the long-haired man's face, but neither of them commented on it; Squalo was allowed to be tired. "If you're coming, hurry your ass up, brat."

Takeshi nodded, waving goodbye to Dino. Hurrying so that he was walking side-by-side with Squalo, he smiled. "Where are we going now, Squalo?"

"To get more alcohol. Want some?"

"I'm underage."

"So what?" Gesturing to the unconscious male in his arms, Squalo shrugged. "Bel's still underage, and I've been getting him drunk since he was eight. He loves it."

"You've known him for that long?" In awe of this, Takeshi moved a little closer to the man, barely aware of his own actions. "He really _does _like you."

"He doesn't like _me_; he likes what I _do _for him. He probably hates me as much as he hates everyone else."

"He doesn't seem like he hates people to me."

"Believe me, brat; all he _is _is a walking time-bomb full of hate and anger." Shaking his head, Squalo let out a sigh.

"Well, what about you?" His hazel eyes meeting grey ones, Takeshi waited patiently for a response.

"What?" Raising his eyebrow, Squalo clenched his hands; what was this kid asking…?

"Are you like Bel, too?"

"Voi!" Anger rising deep within him, Squalo spun on the spot, glaring at Takeshi. "That's none of your fucking business, trash!"

Raising his hands as he smiled in a gentle manner, Takeshi was patient as he spoke. "Now, now, Squalo. I'm very sorry if I upset you. I won't ask that again, alright?"

Biting his lip, it took a few seconds for Squalo to back off before muttering. "Fucking fine…"

Glad that things had settled so easily, Takeshi smiled as he followed Squalo once more. He was glad the man didn't seem to mind his presence, and he knew that he would have to hang out with the man more often – it just might take longer than expected to make the other feel comfortable enough around him to let Takeshi help him.

_**~~XX~~**_

When night rolled around and the three teenagers were getting ready for bed, Takeshi couldn't help but lay back on his bed and stare up at the roof. He could hear Tsuna and Hayato moving around on the bunk beds across from him, and he was glad they were still awake; he had so many thoughts running around his head, he wasn't sure how to quieten them down.

"Hey, guys?" Hearing Hayato grunt and Tsuna ask what was up in a soft tone, Takeshi let out a sigh. "Where do you think Squalo is right now?"

"I don't know, Yamamoto." While Hayato muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, 'Who cares?', Tsuna was more understanding of his friend; he knew how big a heart Takeshi had, after all. "Why do you ask?"

"Because Dino said he doesn't have a home and that he won't stay with anyone. It's storming outside, so what if he's sleeping out in the cold?"

Hoping to comfort his friend, Tsuna said, "Maybe he's staying with someone tonight, Yamamoto. I'm sure if he was bothered by the storm, he wouldn't let himself stay out in it."

"I hope not." Rolling onto his side, Takeshi tried to silence his thoughts and get some sleep, but it wasn't much good; it had taken what felt like forever before he had been able to fall into oblivion.

_**~~XX~~**_

"Ahh… S-squalo…"

"…"

"Squalo…!"

"Nghn…" Looking down at the sweat-soaked body beneath him, Squalo couldn't help but feel another wave of anger wash through him; he remembered when _he _used to be in his partner's position, with a man he loved making him feel things he genuinely enjoyed.

But those days where long gone, and oh, how he fucking _resented _them.

"Ah! Squalo! You're hurting me!"

His body's rhythm becoming violent, Squalo panted as he listened to the cries of pain beneath him. Reaching out, he wrapped his hand around his once-willing partner's throat, squeezing tightly as he mimicked the things the man he had once loved had put him through.

His hot breath billowing against his partner's ear, Squalo hissed, "You like that, Bel? You like it, don't you? You just won't _admit _it."

The body beneath Squalo's started to tremble, the cries becoming louder and more desperate. "Squalo, stop! D-don't…! Please, stop! I can't…! I can't…!"

"You dirty little slut; scream my name. Scream it!" Squeezing his hand to cut off the other's air supply, Squalo allowed his movements to become far more aggressive, feral in their own right. He slapped the younger's face as hard as he could, his tempo increasing until he hit his climax, feeling his partner's own body responding the same way.

It wasn't until Squalo had calmed down from his high did his head clear and he acknowledged what he had done. Looking down at the naked body curled up next to him, he frowned. Reaching out and putting his hand on a trembling shoulder, he wasn't surprised when he was rewarded with a flinch. "Bel?"

"…"

Sighing, Squalo gathered up their clothing from the floor of the abandoned house they were taking refuge in. He redressed himself in silence before doing the same for Bel, trying his best to ignore the way the boy refused to so much as _look _at him. He knew what he had done to Bel, and though he also knew it had been a greatly arousing experience for the blond, it was also something that had terrified and hurt him – he should have stopped the first time he had been told to, but he just hadn't been able to help himself.

Once they were dressed, Squalo sat up against the wall behind them. He stared out of the window, watching the lightning flash angrily through the sky. It wasn't until almost an hour later did he feel his companion move to rest his head in the man's lap, a sign that Bel had recovered from his previous shell-shock and was now seeking comfort from the one who had hurt him. Squalo absentmindedly threaded his fingers through sweaty golden hair, sighing once more.

"Is that what Xanxus did to you…?"

Looking down at Bel, Squalo shrugged as he felt the younger grab his hair and begin to play with it. "Yeah. That was just a tiny teaser."

"I didn't like that. I mean… I-it made me come and everything, but…" Scratching at his wrists in a manner Squalo _knew _was to self-harm, Bel looked to the side, anywhere but at the man. "I like pain, but I don't like that kind of domination. It turned me on, but… I don't like it."

"I know. It feels like you have no control whatsoever, doesn't it? Like you're at someone else's mercy and there's nothing you can do until they decide to let you go."

"Hmm…" Moving closer to Squalo, Bel allowed his eyes to close.

Squalo turned to look back out of the window as the boy fell silent. He couldn't stop the memories from flooding through his mind, and he wished he hadn't given the last of his alcohol to Bel when the blond had broken down into hysterics a few hours ago.

What Squalo wouldn't give to be able to numb himself permanently.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Takeshi arrived bright and early at Mammon's, just like he had been told to do the previous day. He found Squalo in the same room he had before, the other looking joyful as he swung his sword with careful precision.

"Hey, Squalo." Closing the door behind him, Takeshi beamed at the man. "How was your night?"

Shrugging, Squalo pointed down at the lone sword laying on the other side of the room. "Fine. Why?"

"Did you have somewhere warm to sleep while it was storming?" Moving over to pick up the sword, Takeshi was glad to see Squalo nod.

"Why the fuck do _you_ care if I was warm or not?" Absentmindedly wiping off a spec of dirt from his blade, Squalo turned to look at the younger.

"Because I want you to be comfortable, of course." His back to the man as he picked his sword up, Takeshi's smile softened. "I don't like the idea of someone not having somewhere warm to sleep."

"I was fine, okay?" Rolling his eyes, Squalo tapped his foot impatiently. "Bel was with me. We fucked for a while, and then the little shit slept on top of me like he always does. We were both warm."

"Where's Bel now? Is he fine?"

"Still sleeping in his bedroom. He had a quick fuck for money before we came back here."

"What about school? Is he going to go today?" Cocking his head to the side, Takeshi frowned; whatever Bel was doing sounded very bad to him, and he sincerely hoped it wasn't going to ruin the blond's life.

"Brat, he's never been to school a day in his life, and he's not going to start _now_." Gesturing for the younger to come closer to him, Squalo tapped his sword against the other's once Takeshi was close enough. "Let's not talk about him; let's fight."

"What about our protective gear?" Jumping back when the man swung his sword at him, Takeshi used his own to parry the attack. "One of us will get hurt without it!"

"In a real fight, there will be no holding back." Slashing at the Japanese male once more, Squalo showed no mercy. "You'll never become a better swordsman if you never fight for life. Come at me with everything you have. Fight as if your life depends on it."

Takeshi couldn't say he wanted to do this; he would love to spar against Squalo, but he didn't want to be put into a position where he could potentially hurt the man; it just wasn't in his nature to do so like this. "Squalo! Wait!"

"That's it!" Smirking as the other's blade came at him, Squalo forced the other to back up halfway across the room. "Fight like you mean it!"

Takeshi could barely block the attacks coming at him, and he could see no opening to fight back; Squalo was well-guarded, and if the man was serious like this, leaving himself open could get him badly injured. "Squalo!"

Kicking out to trip the teenager, Squalo thrust his sword downwards once the Japanese male had hit the ground, stopping inches away from Takeshi's neck. Holding the weapon there for several seconds, he drank in the anxiety that had suddenly crossed the younger's face at this position.

Pulling his blade back, Squalo then reached down to help Takeshi to his feet. "You have potential, brat. But your training is inadequate. If this were a real fight, you would have stood no chance."

"I'm just glad you didn't cut me. For a second there, I thought I was about to die." Taking the outstretched hand, Takeshi stood up. "You really _are _serious about it."

"More serious than I've ever been about anything, kid." Looking into hazel eyes, Squalo then said, "I want to train you."

"But, Squalo, I think you might accidentally kill me if you do." Laughing at his own joke, Takeshi didn't mind when the other didn't laugh back; there was probably a reason for this that he didn't need to know about. "When do we start?"

"Right now." With that said, Squalo swung his blade at the teen once more, purposely avoiding the younger but allowing the sword to come close enough to flesh for Takeshi to feel the velocity of it against his body. Leaving openings for his student to take, he instructed the other on everything he saw fit.

Squalo wasn't going to let the other leave until he was satisfied Takeshi had made a significant improvement on his skills, no matter how long it takes.

_**~~XX~~**_

When lunchtime rolled by and Takeshi had _finally _convinced Squalo to let them have a break, they had found themselves in Mammon's kitchen with bowls of fettuccini in front of them. Bel had soon joined them, but he had refused to eat anything. When asked if he was hungry, his face had paled and he ran from the room to vomit nothing but bile; he hadn't had anything in his stomach to throw up anyway.

Takeshi was quick to notice the way Bel curled up next to Squalo, resting heavily against the other's side as he drifted back into sleep. Takeshi also noticed how the man didn't seem bothered at all by this and instead allowed it; Squalo was so loud and angry, but despite the Japanese male's natural obliviousness to his surroundings, he could still see how the other seemed to only have a soft spot for the blond.

"You must really like Bel, Squalo." Eating a bit more of his lunch, Takeshi smiled when he received a shrug in response.

"He's a good brat." Absentmindedly patting golden locks, Squalo continued on. "I was the one who found him on the streets. At the time, I had a home so I took him in. Mammon took him off me, though."

"Why?" Wondering why someone would take Bel from Squalo, Takeshi tried to understand; Squalo had had a home, and he seemed to be good to Bel, so…

What on Earth could have provoked someone to take Bel away?

"Because she didn't like how I was looking after him." A dark look crossed Squalo's face as memories passed through his mind. "She said he would be better off with her, so she took him away. Happier with her, my ass… It was always me he came back to…"

"But you're good to him, Squalo; why would she not like it?"

"Because I'm the reason he's addicted to drugs and alcohol." Tightening his hold on his fork, Squalo bit his lip. He knew it was wrong of him to have started Bel on their addictions when the blond had been eight-years-old, but at the time, he truly hadn't known any better; his head had been in a very dark place, and he hadn't thought through the consequences of his actions – not until Bel had become too addicted to just simply stop giving it to him. "I was the one who gave it all to him. It's my fault he's like this, and Mammon _knew _it. She had good intentions, but she made things worse for him because he _needs _that shit to be able to cope. He needs it like _I _do, but no one fucking listens… They just judge and tell us we're wrong and that we're doing it the wrong way – but what do _they _fucking know…? They don't… They've never lived with what _we _have…"

"Squalo, I –" Before Takeshi could finish his sentence, Bel awoke from his nap. The blond let out a loud moan as he squirmed on the spot, mumbling something incomprehensible. He wrapped his arms around the man's neck as he turned to press his hips against Squalo's side, rocking them eagerly as he moaned again.

Squalo understood immediately; Bel had taken something after he had woken up, and now that he had slept off the drowsiness said drug always inflicted on him at first, he was left with another side-effect; he needed sexual release, and he needed it _now_. "Calm down, Bel."

"S-squalo…" His voice trembling from both sleep and arousal, Bel continued rubbing his hips against Squalo's body. "I-I need… I need…!"

Takeshi frowned as he watched this, knowing that this was vastly different to the Bel he had seen yesterday; what had done this to him? "…"

Picking Bel up as he got to his feet, Squalo looked to Takeshi. "I'm taking him to his room. Don't come and find us. Wait for me in the hall again."

Takeshi nodded, watching the two leave. What had happened to those two to make them like this?

But the biggest question of all was, was there _anything _Takeshi could do to help? As much as he wanted to, the more time he spent with Squalo and Bel, the more he felt he would be able to do nothing but _wish _he knew what to do.

Even so, Takeshi wasn't going to give up – not when there were people out there who needed help. Trying was better than doing nothing, after all.


	5. Chapter 5

When Takeshi met another one of Squalo's friends, it was while he was in town with Dino, Tsuna and Hayato for lunch. This friend was a taller male, with a part of green hair on the side of his head. He wore sunglasses despite the fact that they were inside, but when he spoke, it was with genuine warmth in his voice.

"Hello, hons~" Sitting down at the table with the small group, the man introduced himself easily. "I'm Lussuria~ I've heard a lot about you guys from Dino~"

With the three teenagers introducing themselves in return, it was Takeshi who asked the first question. "Are you close to Squalo?"

"Well, as close as Squ-chan will let people get to him. He used to be much more open, but these days, he doesn't trust anyone." Sighing, Lussuria rested his chin in his palm. "Why do you ask, hon?"

"Because he really seems like he needs someone to help him." Rubbing his chin, Takeshi continued on, hoping the other would understand. "He looks so angry all the time, and I want to help him if I can."

"Hon, it isn't as simple as that." His demeanour softer than before, Lussuria moved forward to observe the younger group better. "I'm a therapist, and even I'm having a lot of trouble with Squ-chan."

"You're a therapist?" Tsuna put down his fork in order to look at Lussuria better. He had sensed that this newcomer had a good heart, but he hadn't realised it was to this extent; it made him happy knowing there were people out there trying to help those who needed it.

"Yes, sweetheart." Smiling at the brunet, Lussuria nodded. "Squ-chan hates it whenever I try to look after him, though. Bel-chan is a little easier to manage, but because he likes to wander so much, I don't get to see him often, and all the progress I've made with him resets because I can't reinforce it."

"But why don't they let themselves be helped?" Trying to understand, Takeshi cocked his head to the side; he knew what it was like to need someone there for him, and help was something he had never turned down when it came his way – he could understand being hesitant to ask for help, but to deny himself of it…

"Because they're both scared. They haven't had much love and kindness in their lives, and so it makes it very hard for them to trust."

"I want to help them." Not minding the looks his friends gave him, Takeshi continued on. "I've been in a bad place before, too, and my friends helped me out of it; I want to help them like I was helped."

"Then there's only one thing you can do for them, sweetheart."

"What's that?" Eager to learn, Takeshi listened as carefully as he could.

"You need to be yourself towards them; don't be fake or anything like that. They need consistence and to remember how to trust again; they will only withdraw further if they feel they've been hurt or betrayed. Can you give yourself to them?"

Takeshi nodded, turning to Dino. "Can I go find Squalo?"

"It's not a good idea to wander the streets, Takeshi; they could be anywhere." Dino sighed, hating his own words. "I have no idea where they go to, but most of the time, it's as if they've just disappeared from the face of the earth; I can't find them anywhere."

Shaking his head, Takeshi stood up. "I'm sure I'll find them, Dino; if I don't find them soon, I'll just go back to your house."

"Takeshi, you're in my care at the moment and I don't feel comfortable letting you wander the streets; anything could happen to you."

"Hon, he just wants to help." Standing up from the table, Lussuria wrapped his unfinished meal back within its foil wrapping before placing it in his handbag, storing his bottled drink away next. "I'll stay with him and make sure nothing happens to him."

Dino frowned, but he knew he could trust Lussuria; the older man was harmless, and wouldn't let anything happen. "Okay, but make sure he's back home before dinner."

Lussuria nodded, reaching out to put his hand on Takeshi's shoulder. "You know I'll look after him, hon."

It was true; Dino _did _know that, but it was still a matter of wanting to look after Takeshi; such an innocent teenager didn't deserve to be dragged into the kind of lives Squalo and Bel lived, after all.

_**~~XX~~**_

It took almost an hour of searching, but soon enough, Takeshi found Squalo relaxing by one of the in-town streams, a look of serenity on his face for once; had something happened to make him feel better?

"You're looking well today, Squ-chan." Lussuria took a seat next to his friend, with Takeshi on the other side of Squalo. "May I ask? What has put you in such a good mood today?"

Squalo hummed as he turned to look at the older male, his eyes not holding the same storm in them that Takeshi was quickly growing accustomed to. "Nothing. I just don't have that little shithead bothering me; I can sit here all day and not have to coddle him."

"Where is Bel, anyway?" Finally taking notice that the blond was nowhere in sight, Takeshi turned his attention back to Squalo.

"With Mammon. She's making him help her with shit."

"Well, what about you, sweetheart? What are your plans for the rest of the day now that you can have it to yourself?" Lussuria reached out, running his fingers through his friend's greasy locks. Seeing that the other wasn't going to answer him any time soon, he instead asked, "When did you last have a shower, Squ-chan? Would you like to come over and borrow mine?"

Shaking his head, Squalo glanced back out over the stream. "I'm fine…"

Lussuria opened his mouth to respond, but he quickly shut it when his phone started ringing from his pocket. Grabbing it and looking at the caller ID, he then frowned as he stood back up and said, "I have to take this; it's important."

The younger two nodded, remaining quiet as Lussuria wandered away from them. It was Takeshi who broke the silence, the teenager, cocking his head to the side as he noticed the way the other's hands trembled violently.

"Squalo?" Waiting until the man was looking at him, Takeshi then reached out and brushed his fingers against the other's hand. He could feel the way Squalo tensed beneath his touch, but he didn't pull away; he instead moved closer. "You're always shaking. Are you okay?"

Squalo closed his eyes at this question, wanting to finally tell someone that no. No, he was _not _okay. But how could he admit that to someone like Takeshi? Takeshi was a kid, and there was no way the other would understand this pain.

"You know, I used to have to take counselling." Hoping that in opening up to the man, Squalo would trust him a little more, Takeshi prepared himself to divulge his deepest secrets. "I tried jumping off the school roof."

Squalo's eyes softened slightly at these words, remembering back to the times he had tried to overdose in an attempt to kill himself. "…"

Looking up at the sky, Takeshi's caramel eyes clouded slightly before he continued on. "…Everyone thought it was because I had broken my arm and couldn't play baseball anymore… It was sort of true… Baseball was all I had at the time… I had been out late practising, and I was meant to be staying at my uncle's home while my pop was out on business. My uncle came, and he got really mad at me… And he… Broke my arm…"

"How…?" Squalo couldn't remember the last time he had whispered, but here he was, on the edge of his seat; could this boy understand, even if just a little…?

"He hit me with my baseball bat…" A dark expression flashed across Takeshi's face at this, as if the other resented the memories – of course he did; it sounded as if someone had been abusing him. "I didn't want to tell my pop, so I said I broke it during practise… And when I went to jump, I told everyone it was because I might never play baseball again… I just didn't want anyone to know that it was because my uncle was abusing me…"

"So what stopped you from jumping…?" Not sure he wanted to hear the answer, Squalo winced at his own question; what could have saved this boy from committing suicide?

Takeshi didn't hesitate to answer. "My friends. Tsuna was the only one to come to me and try to stop me. …My friends are the only ones who know the truth… My pop, too… I don't see my uncle anymore since my pop found out…"

"Takeshi…"

Takeshi didn't know what to say; all he knew was that since Squalo wasn't looking so angry, he found himself focused on those pale lips, wondering how soft they were. He wasn't used to thinking about kissing people, instead so preoccupied with his friends and baseball he had never really had the time to think about romantics – but in the here and now, he couldn't help but notice that Squalo was quite attractive, especially now that the man was calm.

Squalo himself could see the way Takeshi was suddenly focused on him, and it made him nervous; he couldn't know for sure what the younger was thinking about, and he could only hope it was nothing bad. "Takeshi? Why are you looking at me like that…?"

Takeshi blinked at the question, his cheeks flushing slightly as he reached out to ghost the tips of his fingers against Squalo's cheeks. "Squalo is very pretty."

Swallowing thickly, Squalo felt frozen as he watched the way Takeshi brought his face closer, as if the teenager had the balls to try and kiss him. And then, when he felt the slightest pressure on his lips, the man couldn't help but shove Takeshi away as he jumped to his feet, his heart pounding furiously against his chest as he panted; he didn't know why, but the idea of being intimate with someone as sweet as Takeshi was terrifying.

It wasn't that Squalo didn't find the boy attractive or anything like that; he could openly admit that Takeshi was cute and fit his tastes very well, but after having been in such an abusive relationship for so long, Squalo found himself struggling to trust the Japanese male.

"I-I…" For once feeling too flustered to talk coherently, Squalo simply turned tail and ran, leaving a confused Takeshi behind.

Takeshi remained where he was, just staring after Squalo. He didn't know why the other had reacted like that, but he knew that it had hurt him; maybe Squalo didn't feel the same way, after all.


	6. Chapter 6

"Squalo hasn't been around…"

Dino looked over his shoulder at the unusually-depressed tone Takeshi had spoken in. He put down the bottle of coke he had been pouring into glasses for his guests so he could instead turn around and face the teen sitting at his dining table wearing a glum expression. "Takeshi, what's wrong? Why do you look so sad?"

Takeshi sighed. Tsuna and Hayato were both outside somewhere while Dino cooked lunch for them all, but the oldest of the trio hadn't wanted to join them; the truth was, he was actually feeling rather depressed. "I think I scared Squalo away…"

Dino cocked his head to the side. He turned off the stove he was standing next to so that he could instead move to sit at the table across from his charge. As kind as ever, he asked, "What makes you say that, Takeshi?"

"…" Did he tell the truth? In all honesty, he was rather afraid of Dino judging him if he told the other what had happened, but at the same time, he wasn't one for lying. What did he say…? "I… I told him he was pretty…"

The blond's frown grew as concern started eating him from the inside out. He bit at his lip before he said, "Takeshi, Squalo can't… He can't cope with being told those sorts of things at this point in his life… He's been through so much abuse, he _can't _understand kindness towards him; his whole life has been nothing but hurt. He understands abuse, and in his own weird way, he probably thinks that in you complementing him, you're trying to hurt him, too. I know it doesn't make much sense, but… Squalo is… _fragile, _Takeshi. He hurts. So much."

"I just…" Takeshi spread his arms out along the table and dropped his chin to the hardwood. "…I just thought that maybe… Maybe if I could show him I didn't want to hurt him…"

"I know you meant well, Takeshi. But Squalo doesn't. The thing is, he's been put through so much, you can just say to him it's a nice day and he thinks you're attacking him personally."

"I didn't mean to do that, Dino… I just wanted to help him…"

"I know…" Dino sighed. "I'm sure we can fix this, Takeshi; I'll just need to talk to him. Let me call Mammon and see if she knows where he is; Bel's probably with him."

Takeshi was patient as his teacher pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialled the woman's number into it. He didn't think anything of the call not being answered, knowing that Mammon was probably just busy, but still it was disappointing in a sense; he didn't want to wait much longer before he could know if Squalo was okay or not.

"She's not answering so I'll try again soon, Takeshi. Oh, but do you mind if I ask? You said you told him he was pretty. Is it okay if I ask why you said that?"

"Hmm?" Takeshi fidgeted slightly. He looked to his lap as he chewed at the inside of his cheek; he was sure Dino would be accepting if he told the truth, but still… Only Tsuna and his dad knew that he was still a little uncertain of his sexuality… "…"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Takeshi; it's okay. But no matter how you feel to anyone, I'm not going to think any differently of you." Dino's smile was sincere like always, and it made the younger feel comfortable enough to divulge what was on his mind.

"…I… I didn't just tell Squalo that he was pretty, Dino… I tried to kiss him…"

While Dino wanted to frown and tell his charge that trying to kiss Squalo was the last thing he should have done, he instead ignored it; Takeshi already knew, and he didn't need to feel worse about it. Instead, he kept his smile up and asked, "Do you like boys, Takeshi?"

"I'm not sure; I've never really thought much about it… I used to think that Gokudera was attractive, and I've had… _dreams_… about him before… But then I still think that girls are really pretty and all that, too… So I don't really know…"

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Takeshi; I'm sure it's normal how you're feeling, and even if you like boys instead of girls, it's okay; I still care very deeply about you."

"Thanks, Dino." Takeshi cocked his head to the side. "Is it wrong that I wanted to kiss Squalo? I mean… People don't really like that… You know what I mean?"

"Yes, I know, Takeshi. But don't worry about what anyone thinks as long as you're happy and comfortable in yourself. And I don't think it's wrong that you want to kiss Squalo; instead, it actually makes me happy."

"How so?"

"He needs someone to love him and teach him gentleness, Takeshi; I honestly couldn't think of someone who could give him that better than you could, either."

A bright smile appeared on Takeshi's face, and in the chirpiest tone he had used since his last encounter with Squalo, he said, "Do you think I could have a chance with him?"

"If you do decide that you like other boys, I'm sure you have a chance – but it will never happen overnight, and it could take a long, long time for him to want to be with someone again. In fact, he might never want to be with someone again. That's why you have to be patient and help him learn to trust again before you can expect him to return any sort of romantic feelings you might have for him."

Takeshi nodded. "That's okay, Dino; even if he doesn't like me back, I just want him to be my friend."

"You're a very nice person, Takeshi. Never let anyone take that away from you."

"Thanks! Can I help you make lunch?"

"Of course you can. It won't take long now."

Takeshi's mood had heightened now, and he found himself humming as he helped Dino prepare lunch. He was happy again, and now that he had reassurance from the blond that it was okay for him to think and feel the way he was, he found himself thinking more about Squalo than he had before. He found himself fantasising about how he could help the other and what could happen if the long-haired man were to trust him, but sooner or later, his happy thoughts drifted into those of sexual ones. He pictured the man's lips in his mind's eye, imagining what it would be like to kiss them. He tried to imagine what it would be like to run his fingers along Squalo's stomach and caress his thighs, but most of all, he wondered what it would be like to sleep with the older male; would Squalo resist him? Pull him closer and allow himself to be ravaged? Or would sex be too difficult for the other to have after having been abused so much? He hoped it wouldn't be the latter; he didn't want the other to still suffer, even if he could be with Takeshi where he could be loved and treated so gently, Squalo would never again have to tremble whenever someone made physical contact with him.

But alas, from the things Takeshi was slowly learning, he wasn't sure if it could ever be that way between them.

_**~~XX~~**_

The living room glowed from the fireplace, and Takeshi found it incredibly comforting. The lights were off and the curtains were closed to block out the rays of the moon, and apart from the lamp Hayato was using to read his book in silence, the only other light came from that of the TV which Tsuna, Takeshi and Dino were watching. The atmosphere was peaceful as it was so late into the night, and Takeshi wished it could last forever.

Or, at least, he wished it could but the doorbell soon broke the silence.

Dino got up from his armchair. "I'll get it. I'll be right back."

Takeshi didn't mind. From where he was sitting on the couch with Tsuna, he could hear the front door unlocking and Dino speaking to someone, but it wasn't until he recognised Squalo's voice did he get off the couch and go to approach the front door, too. However, something Squalo said had him stopping in his tracks and listening instead.

"The cops are all over Mammon's place; I was just there." Squalo sounded exhausted. "Is Bel here?"

"No. What's happened to Mammon? I tried to call her today and she never rang back."

"I was talking to her in the ambulance. She said Bel snapped and had been raping her all day, then he just vanished."

"Is she okay?"

"She's in shock; she didn't think Bel would do something like that to her."

"None of us did… I'm going to go and find him and make sure he's alright. Stay here with the boys and look after them for me."

Takeshi heard shuffling before the sound of the front door closing caught his attention. He didn't move when footsteps started approaching him, and even when Squalo came around the corner and stopped in front of him, all he said was, "Did Bel hurt Mammon…?"

Squalo looked uncomfortable in the younger's presence, but he still nodded. "Yeah. Badly."

"But why would he do that? I thought he liked Mammon."

The man shook his head. "No. I think he's finally lost his mind." With that said, he pushed past Takeshi and made his way into the living room to stand in front of the fire.

Takeshi didn't press on; he could tell that it was a tense enough situation between them without him causing any more stress as it was. Instead, he sat back next to Tsuna and tried to focus on the TV; as much as he wanted to talk to Squalo, perhaps now just wasn't the best time.

"Fuck it; I'm sleeping here tonight. Tell Bucking Horse I'm on the spare bed when he gets back." As if Takeshi had foreseen the future, Squalo stomped off down the hallway towards one of the unoccupied bedrooms.

And that was when Takeshi wondered just how easy it was going to be to gain the other's trust in the end.


	7. Chapter 7

When it came time for breakfast and Dino was nowhere to be found, the younger males became worried; it wasn't like Dino to disappear and leave them by themselves. They didn't have much time to worry, though; just when Takeshi offered to cook everyone sushi, Hayato's phone rang and the caller ID read Dino.

"Hello?" Hayato was worried, and even more so when he picked up on the anxiety in the blond's voice.

"Hayato, is Squalo still there?" Dino sounded as if he were ready to cry.

"…" The younger male bit at his lip; Squalo was indeed still at the house, but he hadn't come out of the bedroom once. "He is, but I think he's still sleeping."

"He'll be awake; knock on the door and tell him I have to talk to him; it's urgent."

Hayato lifted the phone away from his ear so he could look at his friends. "Hey, Dino wants me to get Squalo. He says it's urgent. Should I wake him?"

"No need; I'm right here."

The silver-haired male turned around at Squalo's gruff voice. He was silent for several moments before he said, "Dino wants to talk to you."

The man shrugged as he reached out for the phone. He swiped sway bangs from his eyes as he raised the device to his ear. "What do _you _want?"

What made it hard for Takeshi and Tsuna to follow the conversation was the fact that the long-haired male had reverted back to his native tongue in order to speak with Dino, and what made it even worse was the fact that, without being able to hear what Dino was saying, they had nothing to go on as to why all of a sudden, it looked as if Squalo was about to cry.

"Gokudera-kun, what's he saying…?" Tsuna whispered.

Hayato was frowning. He shook his head before he said, "I… Something's happened…"

It was when Squalo ended the call and threw the phone back at Hayato did Takeshi finally get to his feet and move to stand next to the taller male. He wanted so badly to reach out and put his hand on the other's shoulder, but he remembered what Dino had told him; he had to be patient. "Squalo? Are you okay?"

When Squalo spoke, it was in a faraway voice, as if he knew what he was saying, but the reality of his own words hadn't yet sunk in. "Bel's going to die… And it's all because of me…"

_**~~XX~~**_

There wasn't much that could hurt Takeshi more than seeing someone so upset, and right now, watching someone he cared about crying like this… Well, it had been a while since his own chest felt like it was clenching in pain.

It wasn't easy for Takeshi to understand what Squalo and Dino were saying; he was reliant on Hayato to explain what was going on and to translate, but even so, he still felt like he needed to do something; he couldn't just sit by and watch as Squalo hurt.

"Yamamoto?" Tsuna frowned as his friend stood up from the living room couch they were seated on. He watched the dark-haired male approach the two adults on the other side of the room, and though part of him worried for his friend's safety, something told him he didn't have need to worry right now.

"Hey, Squalo?" Takeshi stood by the chair Squalo was on. He waited until the man was looking at him before he offered a gentle smile. "Gokudera told us what's going on. You can talk to me about it if you want; I'm happy to listen."

The long-haired man shook his head. In an exhausted tone, he muttered, "You're not gonna care… About him _or _me…"

Takeshi didn't take those words to heart; he knew Squalo was just lashing out. Instead, he kept his smile up and said, "But I like Bel, Squalo. If something happened to him, I'm going to be sad. Just like how I feel sad now knowing you're so upset."

"Liar… You people are all the same… Too busy with your perfect little lives to spare a thought for people like me and Bel… So what your uncle was an ass to you? That's nothing compared to what _we _have to live with…"

"But, Squalo, when we went ice skating that day, I was the one who asked if Bel could come with us. I wanted Dino to ask you to come as well, but he said you wouldn't. I want Bel to be my friend, just like how I want to be friends with you."

"It's too late for that shit. He's going to _die_."

Dino touched his friend's shoulder at this. He shook his head. "There's still a chance they can save him, Squalo; he might pull through."

The long-haired male sneered. He turned back to Takeshi. "Even if he _does _make it, why do you care about him anyway? Would you still care if you knew why he is the way he is? What he did yesterday because of it all? You can _say _you care, but you never truly could; you couldn't understand him, just like you couldn't understand _me_."

"Then _tell _me all about it so I _can _try and understand." Takeshi knew this wasn't going to be easy, but even so, he wasn't going to back down now; he knew he was slowly getting somewhere, even if it might involve a bit of going around in circles at first – he just had to be _patient_. "I want to know about you both because I want to be friends with you both. Please help me understand."

Squalo's eyes widened as panic started building in him. He looked at Dino, silently pleading with the blond to help him, but how was he supposed to ask the other to do so when he could no longer remember _how _to ask for help? "…"

Dino smiled at the younger male. "It's okay, Squalo. If there's anyone you can trust, it's Takeshi. I promise. His life isn't as perfect as you think it is; just because he can still smile doesn't mean he hasn't hurt, too."

The long-haired male bit at his lip. He glared down at his lap for several seconds before he looked back up and growled, "Then if it's so bad for him, why is he coping so easily?!"

"Because I have my friends with me to help me when I fall." Takeshi didn't mind Squalo's resistance; he could get where the other was coming from because he knew how hard it could be at times to trust again. "And if you'd let me, I can be your friend, too."

"…" It was true Squalo could once remember a time where he was able to call people his friends, but that time was long gone, and he didn't think he could do it again – after all, where had his 'friends' been when his ex had tortured him for hours on end? Where had they been when he had taken Bel and ran away for their own safety, only to sleep under a newspaper out in the rain? They hadn't been there for him, so why would they be now?

_But look at where you _are_, Squalo_.

The long-haired man flinched at his own voice inside of his head. He hated moments like these, where his side of reasoning would come into play and make him feel more stressed than he already was. He shook his head. "How am I supposed to trust you when I can't even trust myself…?"

"You don't have to trust me. At least, not right now. If you need time, that's okay; I'm sure one day in the future you can come to trust me."

Squalo frowned. "You'd wait that long…?"

"Yup~ There's no rush, Squalo; I only want for you to be comfortable. That's all."

Squalo didn't know how to reply to that, so he spoke the first thing on his mind. "Voi, Bucking Horse, take me to see Bel."

"Can I come with you?" Takeshi smiled when the two adults nodded. He knew that his friends would understand that this was something he needed to do, so he was relieved when neither of them tried to stop him; to know that he had their support in the things he wanted to do in life meant much more to him than he would ever be able to explain.

_**~~XX~~**_

The walls of the hospital were blindingly white, and Takeshi couldn't say he liked being here very much; he had always found hospitals to be depressing, and because of that, he felt as if his senses were on overdrive.

Dino had dropped them off at the hospital entrance so he could go back home and stay with Tsuna and Hayato. Takeshi didn't mind; he still had Squalo with him, and they could help get each other through this.

Neither of them spoke until they were seated in Bel's hospital room, listening to the soft beeps and whirs of all the machines that were keeping the boy alive. As sad as Squalo had been before, he still took the furthest chair from the younger's bed, almost as if he couldn't bear to be in that room.

Takeshi, however, sat as close to the bed as he could get. He grabbed Bel's hand and held it tight, hoping that it would be able to bring relief to the blond even in unconsciousness. He didn't dare look at the deathly pale face hidden partially behind a ventilator; he instead allowed his gaze to wander over the scarred flesh that was Bel's wrist.

"I was fourteen when I found him."

Takeshi looked up at Squalo's heartbroken voice. He said nothing; he just waited patiently for the man to continue on.

"…He was eight… I found him on the streets, and… I took him home with me… I don't really know why I did it; I just… My boyfriend, Xanxus… It was around the time things started getting bad between us…"

"…"

"Bel was a really good kid back then… The only problem was, he was traumatised… I hated it when he cried, and so I just wanted to help him… I kept giving him alcohol because it was the only thing that had been working for me… And then when I started doing drugs, I gave them to him, as well… Then Mammon took him off me when she found out what I'd done, and from there, I fell apart… He had been all I had keeping me together… And it was the same for him… He was never the same after she took him from me… And it's all my fault; I never should have given him what I had… Look at where he is now…"

"You didn't know this was going to happen; you only wanted him to be okay."

"I was stupid, and the worst thing is, I didn't even realise that until now… If he dies, it's… It's all my fault…"

Takeshi frowned. "You really don't want him to die, do you? You really care about him a lot more than you let on."

Squalo nodded. He closed his eyes to try and fight back tears, but it was useless; they still slipped past his eyelids and down his cheeks. "This is all my fault… I did this to him…"

"Squalo, you didn't –" Before Takeshi could even finish his sentence, the room became filled with the shrill beeping of Bel's heartrate monitor as it went flat, but no matter how deafening it was, it was nothing compared to the howl of agony Squalo let loose as he rushed to the hospital bed and pulled Bel into his arms.

It wasn't often Takeshi didn't know what to do, but right now, all he could do was listen as Squalo begged and pleaded for Bel to come back. Somewhere through it all, he felt tears of his own roll down his cheeks.


	8. Chapter 8

"Squalo, we need to talk."

Takeshi stood in the doorway of the bedroom Squalo had been staying in. He listened as Dino spoke to their guest in Japanese; after all, he was part of this conversation so they had to make sure Takeshi could understand what was being said.

"Fuck off…" Squalo pulled the blankets further over his head. "I'm not talkin' to anyone…"

"I know you're upset, Squalo, but that's what we have to talk about. Do it for Bel…"

There was a mutter of protest from the long-haired man before he finally rolled over on the bed he had been sleeping on so he could look at the other two. His dark eyes were full of pain, more so than Takeshi had yet seen, and it broke his heart; why did the other have to feel so much hurt…? "If you're here to lecture me, don't even bother; I already know it was my fault…"

"Not at all, Squalo; that's not what I want to talk to you about." Dino glanced at Takeshi before he looked back to the other. "Actually, we wanted to talk to you about Bel. See, Takeshi and I have been talking."

"About what…?" Squalo was wary now, knowing that they could have anything planned – and while the hospital staff had been able to revive Bel, he felt more protective of the blond than he ever had in his life.

"Getting Bel off that stuff." Dino was no fool; he had already consulted Takeshi about the problem at hand, and they both knew that Squalo would never let them directly confront him about his addictions – instead, they had to be careful and try to encourage him off it all indirectly. "We all know what happened because of it, and even Mammon got hurt from it. I don't know if you realise it or not, but you're the only one he's going to listen to who can talk to him about it."

"He's not going to come off it; he relies too much on it…" Squalo closed his eyes. He truly wished he had been a better guardian all those years ago and never done what he had by getting Bel involved, but there was nothing he could do about it now; Bel was as fucked up as _he _was, and how could he help the boy when he couldn't even help himself?

"He will if you do, Squalo. That I _know_." Dino gestured to Takeshi when his friend flinched at the suggestion. "If you can do that for Bel, then Takeshi is here to help, too. You don't want this happening to him again, do you, Squalo? You could have lost Mammon, too. I know you don't want that to happen, so please; help us get Bel clean again so he can have a chance at life."

Squalo's hands trembled as he tried to process what the blond was saying. He wasn't stupid; he knew they wanted him to come clean rather than Bel, but even so… Well, he also knew that they weren't wrong anyway… He swallowed. "Why not just say it to my fuckin' face…? It's not Bel you care about, is it…? So why… not be honest…?"

"Dino told me you take things hard," Takeshi explained in a kind manner. "And I didn't want to stress you; I _never _want to stress you. So I asked Dino if we could try to make it about Bel instead and hope you'd be more comfortable that way."

"…" Squalo couldn't remember the last time someone had spoken to him with such sincerity and not put him on edge. Perhaps that was back when he had still been a young teenager, before he had gotten himself involved in bad habits – back when he had still trusted and wasn't the angry man he was today. He closed his eyes; what he wouldn't give to be able to go back to those days… "You fuckers really want us off that shit, don't you…? I swear it's all I ever hear from the lot of ya…"

"We worry about you two. We want to help, but it's hard because you just don't let us…" Dino sighed. "Please, Squalo; you know what we want, but even so, please think of Bel; the only way he'll ever want to get off it all is if you do… Please do it for him… I know how much you love him, Squalo, and even if you don't believe it, he loves you just as much."

"…You know what you're asking of me is…"

"You want to agree; I can tell you've been thinking about this yourself." Dino tried to smile at his friend. "Usually when this comes up you start screaming at everyone… But you want to say yes. Don't you, Squalo?"

"…"

"You saw what it did to Bel and Mammon. If not for yourself, you want to do it for them. But you're scared. And that's understandable. But you're not going to be doing it alone, Squalo. You have us. You always will have us. And no matter what, we aren't going anywhere."

"…" Did Squalo say yes? Did he agree to try and get help for the only things that had stopped him from slashing his wrists years ago…? Part of him wanted to try and remember what it was like to be able to live without drugs and alcohol, but… But the other part of him had become so used to it, he wasn't sure he could live without it.

But Bel… Bel had lost his mind, attacked Mammon and raped her for hours before he ran away and tried to commit suicide after realising what he had done to one of the only people to have ever accepted him – all because of the drugs. The drugs that Squalo had started him on. Squalo was responsible for all of that, and though he had been a shit guardian eight years ago, now was his chance to finally redeem himself and do what he should have done in the first place.

But could he really do this…? He didn't feel like he could…

"Squalo will feel so much better if he can at least try."

Squalo sighed. Whatever it was, there was just something about that kid's smile that made him close his eyes and nod. Whatever he was in for, he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

_**~~XX~~**_

"Guys, can you help me with something?"

Tsuna and Hayato looked up from the tray of pizza they were attempting to make but failing miserably at. Tsuna gave a shy smile as he nodded. "What with?"

"Well, Dino is taking Squalo to the doctor to get advice on how to help him off everything, but in the meantime I'm trying to come up with ways to help him since he doesn't want to go to rehab or anything like that. I'm just not really sure what are some good ways."

"Tch." Hayato rolled his eyes as he snatched the pen and paper his friend was holding. "You're an idiot; you'll only come up with stupid ideas."

Takeshi laughed. "Yeah, I think I would have. That's why I'm asking you guys!"

"Let _me _handle it!" With that said, Hayato disappeared out of the kitchen, focused on his task at hand.

Tsuna couldn't help but laugh softly. He looked up into Takeshi's caramel eyes and smiled. "Do you like Squalo, Yamamoto?"

"Eh?" A slight red tint crossed the older male's cheeks. He smiled bashfully before he said, "I think I do… Why? Is it that obvious?"

"Just a feeling." Tsuna's smile widened. "Let's hope it goes okay. Focus on getting him better first, though, okay? That's the important thing right now."

"I know, Tsuna."

"Yamamoto?"

"Yeah?"

"I won't tell Gokudera-kun. Good luck."

Takeshi's eyes shone brightly as he looked down at his best friend. He didn't know how to respond, so doing what came naturally to him, he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms tight around the smaller male in the most affectionate hug he could give.

And all of a sudden, knowing that he still had his friend's support in this, things didn't look as bleak as they once had.


	9. Chapter 9

When Dino told the younger trio that Squalo was going to be staying with them from now on, Takeshi couldn't have been more excited; he couldn't quite explain it, but knowing that he was going to be able to spend time with Squalo made him feel so happy, he could barely hide it.

Maybe it was obvious in everything Takeshi said and did after being told the news, but come the next morning when he was first of the trio to wake up and venture into the dining room for breakfast, he was greeted by a knowing laugh from Dino as the blond went about setting the table.

"You're up early, Takeshi. Too excited to sleep?"

Takeshi hummed. "Yeah. I really want to spend time with him."

"Now, Takeshi, just because he's agreed to stay with us doesn't mean he's going to be very social. Don't get your hopes up; he's still going to be very withdrawn, perhaps more so than usual while we try and ease him off everything. I think he's going to go through some wild mood swings in the coming days so don't take it personally; this is going to be very hard on him – on all of us."

"That's okay, Dino; as long as he's okay in the end. Is he awake?"

Dino smiled. He straightened up from where he had laid the last of the cutlery. "He's with Bel at the moment. He said he'll be back by breakfast so he shouldn't be long. Are the others awake yet?"

"Just me." The Japanese male straightened one of the sets of cutlery before he looked back to his host. "Do you think we can really help Squalo?"

"It's hard to say; he has a pretty severe addiction – it's a miracle he even agreed to try and get off it in the first place. The last time we tried suggesting it to him he attacked Lussuria. I think that knowing he's the reason what happened with Bel and Mammon is his fault hit him too hard to be able to cope with properly, and he just doesn't want it to happen again."

"How is Mammon anyway? Is she doing okay?" Now that he was thinking about it, no one had really said much about Mammon; they were all much more worried about Bel, but that was probably reasonable since the younger blond had been on life support since his suicide attempt – how he had attempted it, Takeshi didn't know either, but having seen the boy for himself, it must have been pretty close to being successful with the state his broken body had been in.

"She'll be okay; she's tough. She knows it wasn't Bel's fault he did what he did; she's just going to need a bit of time to recover from it. It shook her pretty bad."

"So what had happened?"

Dino frowned. Did he really tell his charge the brutal truth…? He didn't want to harm Takeshi in any way, and he could only imagine the impact telling him something like this could do… But at the same time, the Japanese male deserved to know, especially since he wanted to help. "…He… He had a very… very bad episode… I don't know what drugs he had taken, but… He snapped, and… He attacked Mammon and injured her badly. After that, he… He tied her up and… Well… He raped her, Takeshi. For a very long time. And when he finally came to his senses, he jumped off a bridge because of what he had done…"

Takeshi frowned. It was hard to say who he felt sorrier for, but perhaps it was Mammon; he knew what it was like to be hurt by someone he had trusted, and because of that he could sympathise with the woman just a little more. "…"

"Don't blame Bel for what he did; he finally lashed out. He and Squalo… have both been raped themselves. Many times. Don't tell either of them I told you this, okay? But Bel was sexually abused by his family and sold to other men every night. And Squalo… Well, he stopped wanting sex with Xanxus when he was still young; it had been normal for him for perhaps the first few months, but… When Xanxus started getting more and more abusive, the sex started getting much more violent and humiliating, and it got to the point where no matter how much Squalo tried to resist each night, Xanxus would only force him into it. These days, they both sleep around for a bit of money, and though I'm not sure about Bel, I know Squalo hates it. He'll strip and he'll sleep around, but to him, it's a means to an end. He told me once he does it so he can try and remember what it was like to look forward to and enjoy being with someone. But he's also told me… that no matter how many people he sleeps with… All it does is make him feel worse…"

"So why does he keep doing it if he knows what it's going to do?" Takeshi could barely understand this, and part of him was glad; he'd hate to be able to know what went through Squalo's mind because he wasn't sure he'd be able to cope with the things he was slowly learning Squalo had been through.

"I think, deep down, he still has hope that one day, the broken pieces are going to mend themselves. He just doesn't know how to fix it himself, is all."

Takeshi sighed. Things weren't going to be easy, and this might be the hardest thing he would ever have to do in his life.

_**~~XX~~**_

Dino hadn't been exaggerating when he had said Squalo was going to be irritable; the man had come back just after breakfast had been served, and though he had tried to pick at his meal and eat _something_, all he had been able to do was vomit from the withdrawals he was already experiencing before stomping off into the living room to curl up on the couch and shake as a vicious migraine assaulted him.

Takeshi had tried to sit with Squalo and comfort him, but even though the long-haired man had been tolerant of the company for a while, he soon found himself snapping angrily at the younger when the Japanese male tried to talk to him about something. Takeshi hadn't taken it personally; he had just smiled and excused himself to give the other space.

But what Takeshi really hated was watching the way Dino approached the long-haired man in concern when it became audible that Squalo was crying.

"Squalo? What's happened?" Dino knelt by the couch and put his hand on his friend's shoulder.

Squalo's voice was as shaky as his body was. He shook his head as he gripped at his long hair in distress. "B-bucking Horse… My head is… fuckin' splitting…"

The blond frowned. He checked his wristwatch before he reached out to thread his fingers through dirty silver hair. "Hold on for just twenty more minutes, Squalo; you're almost there."

"C-can't…! Give me the shit now…! Can't wait any longer…"

"Twenty more minutes, Squalo; then you can have what you need. I'll even help you work out a lower dosage and you know I hate drugs."

Squalo growled in frustration. "Fuckin' get them for me! I-I _can't…!_"

While Dino wanted to try and reassure his friend that it was only twenty more minutes before Squalo could have what he needed, Takeshi spoke up from the couch he had been on all morning to keep an eye on Squalo.

"Dino, I think he could have it now as long we can help him lessen the usual amount. It's afternoon, and it's been over a day for him anyway."

The blond nodded. It might have been harsh expecting Squalo to be able to hold out for another twenty minutes when the man was so used to having _something _every couple of hours, but the fact that Squalo had been able to get so close to their target goal of dosage times was impressive; the man was trying his hardest, but perhaps their goal was a little _too _difficult at the moment.

With a sigh, Dino stood up. "I'll get it for you, Squalo… Just… Not in front of the kids, please… I don't want them seeing it… Meet me in your room…"

"I want to be with him, Dino." Takeshi stood up and moved to sit on the couch next to Squalo. He frowned at the beads of sweat that were rolling down the man's face, and he knew he couldn't leave Squalo alone. "I want to help him."

"Takeshi, what you'll see is _not _pretty…"

"It's okay; he needs someone so he knows he's not alone. Please, Dino? I really want to help him…"

Dino sighed. "Takeshi… Do you know how people take drugs? It's a horrible thing to watch…"

"I know a little bit about it, and it's okay; I can stomach it, Dino. I promise."

To the teen's surprise, it wasn't Dino who answered him, but Squalo himself. "Don't, Takeshi… Don't… subject yourself to that shit… It fucked Bel up, and I… I don't want it fucking you up as well… Don't do it… You don't know what you're in for…"

"I want to be there for you, Squalo."

"Takeshi." Despite his current situation, Takeshi didn't think he'd ever heard the man sound so serious. "Takeshi, _don't_. I don't… want you seeing what I've become… It's hard enough… looking in a fucking mirror… You're still a kid… I'm doing what I should have done for Bel years ago… I'm… not letting you throw your life away like I have… So stay here…"

"Squalo…" Dino put his hand on his friend's arm; it had been so long since the younger's true self had presented, and if all had felt hopeless before, it certainly didn't now; they had the key to Squalo's recovery, and that key was Takeshi himself – finally, after all these years, Squalo's real nature was coming back to the surface, and he hadn't yet lost the part of him that sought only to protect the handful of people he could still feel a bit of loyalty to. It was strange that the long-haired man was showing that repressed loyalty to Takeshi, but Dino wasn't going to complain; all that mattered was the teenager was helping pull Squalo out of the hell he had been stuck in for so many years.

"…Okay, Squalo." Takeshi knew he couldn't argue with those words; while he wanted the best for Squalo, the feeling was mutual. "I'll be out here if you need me."

Squalo grunted. He didn't move until Dino helped him off the couch and into the bedroom that was now his, leaving Takeshi to hope that Dino would be able to assist as best he could.

_**~~XX~~**_

It was unusual for Takeshi to feel so protective of someone, he couldn't even leave their side as they slept, but here he was, sitting on the armchair closest to the couch Squalo had been curled up on sleeping for the past three hours. Though he was trying his hardest to focus on the TV while everyone else went about their own business, he was finding it increasingly difficult to do so as every movement and sound Squalo made had him on his feet, ready to help in whatever way he could. It was a strange feeling he wasn't accustomed to, but it wasn't entirely bad; he knew that all he wanted was to be there and _help_.

It was the sound of the doorbell ringing that really bothered Takeshi; if there was going to be a guest, would there be conversation that would wake Squalo up? He certainly hoped not.

And then, to his disappointment, Italian filled the air as Dino spoke to whoever he seemed to be leading into the living room. Takeshi bit his lip when Mammon limped into the room; even beneath her hood, he could still make out cuts and bruises on her face, and her hands shook as badly as Squalo's had earlier. He couldn't make out any other injuries on her right away since she was clad in black robes, but every now and then when she lifted her hands to fumble with each other, her sleeves slid downwards and he could see more cuts and the unmistakable bruising from what been restraints around her wrists. Even in sitting she continuously fidgeted, as if the cushion she was on was just too hard for her.

Takeshi listened as the older two conversed in Italian, and though he was trying his hardest to be polite and not interrupt, he couldn't help it; in the kindest tone he could muster, he asked, "Are you okay?"

Mammon gave a stiff nod. It took a few seconds for her to speak, but when she did, she was much quieter than he remembered her being. "I am fine… Why wouldn't I be…?"

The youngest male didn't respond; how was he supposed to, anyway? It would be incredibly rude of him to bring up what had happened when it was so clear Mammon didn't want to talk about it…

"Takeshi, Mammon was just telling me about how she's giving up guardianship of Bel." Dino's voice was gentle; he could see that it was a very delicate situation for the woman. "She said she's asked Lussuria to take him in if he recovers, but Lussuria cannot as he's going to be too busy with work to look after him properly. She wants me to take him instead now."

"You don't want Bel anymore?" Takeshi frowned. He looked at Squalo; why did everyone always give up on people who needed help the most…?

"Takeshi, it's not that she doesn't want him; she just doesn't think she can look after him the way he needs to be looked after anymore. That's all. She's trying to do what's best for Bel and not herself."

"But… But I…" The teenager sighed. "I'm still only a kid, but I'm helping Squalo with this… Why can't you keep helping Bel if I can be doing this for Squalo…? I mean, if you don't want him anymore, then I volunteer to help them both instead."

"You can't look after them both, Takeshi; you need to look after yourself first and foremost." Dino pinched the bridge of his nose; why did the younger have to be so damn _caring_…? "Squalo is going to be hard enough; you can't deal with him _and _Bel."

"But I can tell that no one else wants Bel, just like how no one wanted Squalo. But I want Squalo, and I want Bel. If no one else will, then I'll drain myself of energy wanting them both."

"Takeshi…" Dino sighed. He looked back to Mammon for a few seconds before he finally said, "Transfer custody of him to me; I'll take care of him if he wakes up again."

Mammon nodded. She stood up and gestured for her friend to follow her to the front door, leaving Takeshi alone with Squalo.

"You'd really do that for people like _us_…?"

Takeshi looked to the couch where Squalo had rolled over so he could look at Takeshi from the corner of his eye. He smiled. "Of course! Why wouldn't I, Squalo? I care about you and Bel, and I mean what I said; even if it exhausts me, I'm going to exhaust myself making sure you're both going to be okay."

"…" There was a wary look in Squalo's eye at these words, as if he didn't know whether or not he could trust them. He never replied, though; he instead rolled back onto his side and tried to go back to sleep.

Maybe… that kid wasn't as bad as Squalo had once thought, after all.


	10. Chapter 10

Several weeks had gone by, and in that time, Takeshi was convinced that Squalo was making progress – maybe it wasn't all that obvious, but the fact that Squalo was starting to willingly approach the others spoke volumes. Takeshi couldn't explain how happy it made him to know that the long-haired man was starting to feel comfortable enough to seek him out, but he knew Tsuna and Dino could tell since they always gave knowing smiles whenever they saw the two together.

Like now, as Squalo and Takeshi walked from Dino's home to grab a few things needed for dinner.

"Ne, Squalo?" Takeshi stopped on the spot so he could point down one of the streets Squalo had just walked past. He waited until the other had turned around to look at him before he said, "We can get groceries down here; it's where we go with Dino."

A flicker of panic crossed Squalo's face before he shook his head quickly. When he spoke, there was fear in his voice, no matter how hard he tried to conceal it. "No… Not that one…"

"Why not?" Takeshi wasn't going to push if Squalo didn't want to go, but he _was _curious.

The man swallowed thickly before he raised shaking hands to part a small section of his bangs. He shuddered as his fingertips ghosted across scars he tried every day to forget would forever be there. "…That place… holds bad memories… Xanxus… Xanxus put my head through a glass display unit there… I spent all our money on drugs, and I hadn't told him… And when our bank card kept getting declined so he couldn't buy his alcohol, he… He knew it was my fault… I've never been back there since I left him…"

"Squalo…"

"I fuckin' hate that joint…" The man shuddered again. "He made me go back there not long after to get him wine… I know they cleaned up all of the blood but I… I could still see it, even after it being cleaned…"

"Then we never have to go back to that one again." Takeshi couldn't stop himself; he reached out and touched the back of Squalo's hand in what he hoped would come across as the gesture of comfort it was intended to be, but he should have known better; no matter how pure his intentions were, Squalo still hissed and jerked his hand away as if the touch had burnt him.

Squalo said nothing about the touch; he instead continued on with his journey, knowing Takeshi would be two steps behind him wherever he went. In order to change the subject, he called over his shoulder, "The prices are cheaper down here, anyway."

Takeshi nodded. He was happy to follow as long as he got to spend time with Squalo, so he didn't mind where they went. "Squalo, how did you meet everyone, anyway?"

"Hmm?" Squalo glanced at the younger male from the corner of his eye. He frowned. "I went to school with the Bucking Horse. He was my first friend. And when I did after school jobs for the old man in charge of Vongola, I met Xanxus, Lussuria and Mammon. That's it. There's nothing spectacular about any of it."

"Vongola?"

"Yeah, it's one of the leading companies here. That fucker, Xanxus… He's running it now since the old man's about to die. He was adopted and it got left to him. Last I heard the whole of Vongola's just one huge fucked up mess. Lussuria doesn't work for him anymore, either, but Mammon's still there."

"Does it bother you to talk about Xanxus?" Takeshi hoped this wasn't the case; the last thing he wanted was to be causing the other any pain.

Squalo shrugged. "Usually. But not now. I haven't seen the fucker in how long… I plan to keep it that way."

"Does Mammon say much about him if she still works for him?"

"Yeah, all the time – that he's even more of a prick now than he was eight years ago…"

"You didn't deserve any of that, Squalo. You deserve way better."

Squalo looked into Takeshi's eyes. He tried his hardest to find any bit of malcontent hiding in those eyes, but no matter how long and how hard he looked for, all he could find was sincerity. He cleared his throat and looked away in discomfort; why did it make him feel weird to not be on edge from stress because of this kid…? "…"

"Squalo?"

"…Yeah?"

"Dino said you forget that people are being nice to you, and instead you think they're trying to hurt you. So if you ever feel that way because of me, can you tell me so I can fix what I've done? I never want to hurt you, Squalo. Never."

"…" Squalo closed his eyes. "Bucking Horse said that, huh…? Is that what he thinks…?"

"That's what he said. Is he wrong?"

"…I… don't even know anymore…" The long-haired man sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose before he continued on. "I just don't get how someone else can… can _get _me when I can't even understand myself… How can _he _understand when _I _can't…?"

"He's your friend; he knows you. He _cares _about you, even if sometimes it feels like he doesn't."

"It felt that way for a long time… I'd be on the fuckin' streets, sleeping in the rain with not even a blanket… trying to work out why none of my 'friends' were helping me when I had Bel with me, too… There was always a voice… in the back of my head… It was the logical part of me I repressed years ago… And whenever it would point out the truth, I'd always run from it… Because for whatever reason… to know that the Bucking Horse was trying to help me… I couldn't cope with it. It caused too much stress. It wasn't just _them _I've been running from… I've been running from myself, too…"

"I'm here for you."

Squalo shook his head. He bit his lip before he growled out, "I don't wanna fuckin' talk about it anymore. My migraine is coming back and I feel like I'm gonna fuckin' vomit everywhere. Let's just get the shit and go back to Bucking Horse's."

It was surprising just how easy Squalo's moods could turn, but Takeshi knew it was because the other was fighting an addiction; it had probably taken everything Squalo had just to talk normally before finally succumbing to the withdrawals. "Dino said exercise is the best thing you can do; maybe you'll feel better on the walk home."

"Who fuckin' knows…" Squalo sighed. "I'll just be glad when the migraines stop…"

"Hopefully they stop soon; you just need more time to wean off it all."

Squalo hummed. He tried to ignore how horrid he was feeling all of a sudden and focus instead on Takeshi, but no matter how shitty he felt, he couldn't help but wonder; why was it he was finding himself telling Takeshi these things when for so long, he had kept everything locked away and told no one anything about his suffering? Why was Takeshi doing these things to him? Was it a feeling akin to the protectiveness he felt towards Bel? In a way, it _was _similar, but while he would do anything for Bel, it was still hard to allow the blond so close to him.

But here he was, letting Takeshi in like he couldn't even let _Bel _in…

Was Squalo losing his mind? He was starting to think he was.

_**~~XX~~**_

By the time Squalo and Takeshi got back to Dino's house with shopping bags in hand, they were just in time to see Mammon's Aston Martin pulling into the driveway behind Dino's BMW. Squalo cocked his head to the side, knowing it was incredibly rare for Mammon to leave her house like this, and he couldn't help but wonder what she wanted.

"Voi, Mammon." The long-haired man changed direction so he could meet Mammon at her car. "What are you doing here?"

Mammon looked up at her friend as she closed the car door behind her. "Didn't Dino tell you? Bel woke up today. We've been moving his stuff here for when he comes home – _if _he can come home."

"Voi! No, he didn't fucking tell me!" With that yelled, Squalo shoved the shopping bags at Mammon so he could storm into the house and confront Dino about why the blond was keeping the news from him.

Takeshi smiled as he looked at Mammon. He scratched his cheek sheepishly before he said, "Are you happy Bel's awake?"

Mammon nodded. "Of course I am. I won't go visit him; I'm just… glad that Cavallone can care for him from now on. I have more of his stuff in the back; help me get it inside."

Takeshi took the shopping bags Mammon had been left with and slid his arm through the handles. He waited patiently for Mammon to open the back door and pass out a few boxes before he went back into the house, just in time to hear Squalo yelling about Dino keeping important stuff from him.

The Japanese male entered the kitchen first to drop off the shopping, and in doing so he could hear Dino's amused reply.

"Squalo, he only woke up while you and Takeshi were gone; I couldn't have told you any sooner."

"Voi! Then take me to see the little shit!"

"I will, Squalo; just let Mammon and I get all of his belongings into his room first."

Takeshi knew Squalo wasn't going to wait around much longer for Dino to take him to the hospital, but he wasn't going to go with them to see Bel. Sure, he cared about Bel and was happy to hear the boy had woken up, but he could tell how much Squalo wanted to be there with the older male. Part of him was happy that Bel had someone who loved him so much, but the other half of him was almost… _jealous_. Would Squalo ever treat _him _that way…? He certainly hoped so; it left an aching in his heart to think that perhaps he could never be as good as Bel when it came to Squalo.

_**~~XX~~**_

"Hey, Squalo?"

Squalo grunted as he looked away from where he had been trying to put Bel's desk back together. He looked at Takeshi for several seconds before he noticed what the other was holding. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "The fuck is that…?"

"It fell out of one of Bel's books." Takeshi passed the item forward. "Is that you?"

Squalo frowned. He took what he soon learnt was a photo, but having looked at it, he wished he hadn't; there, staring back at him, was his younger self with that sincere smile he hadn't been able to don in what felt like an eternity. His eyes locked on his own frozen in time, and deep inside of him, he felt something gnawing at his chest. When he next looked at Bel, eight years old and laughing happily as he hugged Squalo tight, he could have cried; Bel could no longer be that happy little boy, and Squalo knew it was _him _who had taken the other's childish innocence away.

"…I need a drink…" With that said, Squalo dropped his screwdriver to the ground so he could stumble to his feet and ransack the fridge in search of whatever alcohol he could find. His hands shook as the need to use drugs became overpowering, but without Dino there to retrieve them from where they had been hidden, Squalo could do nothing but drop to his knees and cry out in despair as he pleaded with whatever being would listen to give him and Bel back what had been taken from them so long ago.

Still in Bel's bedroom, Takeshi could only stare at the photograph. He had made up his mind though; one day in the future, he was going to help Squalo remember how to smile as bright as he once had, no matter what it took.

_**~~XX~~**_

"_Ahh… F-fuck, Takeshi…"_

"_Squalo…"_

_The mattress squeaked beneath the two moving bodies as Squalo's hand shot out to grip the sheets beneath him so hard, they were in danger of tearing. His hips rocked upwards to get more of the friction Takeshi was providing, but no matter how close the two got, it still wasn't enough for the long-haired man._

"_Squalo, your hair…" Takeshi curled a lock of silver around his index finger. "You're so beautiful, Squalo…"_

_Squalo's eyes snapped open from where he hadn't even realised they had closed. His mouth parted slightly as short, panicked breaths made their way into his lungs. He stared into the other's caramel eyes, searching for malice, but he couldn't find what he was used to. _

"_Squalo, what's wrong?"_

_The man's eyes widened when a hand started reaching out to his face, and in that moment, all he could do was scream._

Squalo shot upright in his bed as his chest rose and fell rapidly. His breathing was sharp from panic, and he could feel the beads of sweat dripping to his lap. His eyes darted around his blackened room as he searched for danger, but he couldn't quite find what he was expecting; he was alone, with no one there to extract the fear that was currently running through him like an electric shock.

The man's head pounded angrily from withdrawal, but he didn't care about that right now; all that mattered to him was proving to himself that Takeshi wasn't like Xanxus – Takeshi _couldn't _be like Xanxus.

The long-haired male threw his blankets to the side so he could swing his feet to the hardwood floor and make his way to the door. He opened it slowly so it wouldn't creak and wake anyone else up; he needed the utmost secrecy for what he had to do.

By luck, the room the younger trio were sharing was right next to Squalo's, so he only needed to take a few steps before he was opening their door and poking his head into the room. The light from the moon that shone through the parted curtains was enough to illuminate the three figures still sleeping peacefully in their beds, and he took a deep breath; this should be easy…

As silently as he could manage, Squalo tiptoed into the room so he could stand by the bed Takeshi was in. He leant over the slightly smaller form so he could take in the peaceful expression the younger was donning; even in sleep, Takeshi still helped bring a level of comfort to the damaged male not many other people had been able to give.

"Takeshi…" Squalo reached his shaking hand out so he could ghost his fingertips along Takeshi's pale cheek. The younger nestled subconsciously into the touch, his smile widening slightly. The Italian male swallowed thickly; what did he do now…? Did he continue to caress? Or did he leave now that he was almost confident Takeshi wasn't like Xanxus…?

Closing his eyes, Squalo allowed his instincts to take over. He knelt by the bed and leant his face in close to Takeshi's, and for the first time in eight years, his lips willingly touched another's. The kiss was one so soft, so questioning, their lips barely brushed together, but Squalo didn't care; after everything Xanxus had put him through, he wasn't sure he would ever be able to kiss properly again.

"Squalo…"

Squalo froze as his name slipped past Takeshi's lips. The teen was still asleep, so did that mean, even in his dreams, Takeshi was thinking of him…?

"Squalo… Love you…"

Why did those words make Squalo feel so numb…? He had been told the same thing after escaping from Xanxus, but all it had accomplished was making him angry and _scared_… But now… Instead, he felt almost… _empty_… Was it because he _wanted _to believe what Takeshi had just murmured but was finding it hard to trust him…? Or was it… because deep down inside… he knew Takeshi was being honest…?

Squalo sighed. He brushed the back of his fingers against Takeshi's cheek once more before he reached out and tucked the younger in beneath his blankets. He wanted so badly to at least have a drink, but he had depleted Dino's stash of wine earlier, leaving him with his emotions.

After making sure to close the door as quietly as he could behind him, Squalo went back to his own bed. The question was, if Takeshi really _did _love him… What did Squalo feel in return…?


	11. Chapter 11

**As I've been going back over the other chapters, I've started to feel as if I haven't been developing Takeshi's character enough, and as if his development sort of falls flat. I'm happy with how Squalo's development is as it's realistic, but I'm just not sure how I feel about Takeshi's own development. It feels as if he gets developed a little, but then he either gets stuck in that stage for too long or he sort of goes around in circles and never really gets anywhere, if that makes sense? How are you guys finding it? Are you having the same problem as me? **

"You're really distracted today, Squalo."

Squalo sighed. He lowered the sword he was holding so that he could respond to Takeshi. "I'm just tired; haven't been sleeping much…"

"Is it because of Bel?" It was true Takeshi wasn't sure what could be keeping the other awake, so it made sense to assume it was the blond who had just come home from the hospital after several more weeks since waking up – the blond seemed to be keeping them all up, after all.

"Nah… Just… dreams…" How was Squalo supposed to admit that the reason he couldn't sleep was because every time he closed his eyes, he would be tormented relentlessly by wet dreams that would either have him waking up with dampness in his pants, or ones that would wake him, shaking him to his very core as he tried not to think about the images of his past that had come back to haunt him.

"What do you dream about?"

How was Squalo supposed to admit that almost all of his dreams in the past few weeks had been about Takeshi? He couldn't tell _anyone _that; they would all just think he was some sort of creep and a pervert… Instead of giving a verbal reply, he shrugged and left it at that.

"I dream about baseball, and having fun with my friends." Takeshi smiled brightly as he dropped his sword to the ground. "Sometimes I even dream about you, Squalo."

Squalo chewed at his lip. "…Why are you admitting that...? What kind of dreams about me…?"

"Eh? Lots of different ones! All sorts of them." Takeshi laughed. "Just last night I had a dream you were playing baseball with us and then you tried to beat up Gokudera with the bat because you kept missing his pitches."

Squalo snorted. "You're fuckin' weird, kid…" And then, as if the need to _know _got the better of him, he asked, "What other dreams do you have about me…?"

"Like I said; lots!" A dark red tint soon crossed the younger's face, as if the idea of admitting something out loud was too embarrassing. Squalo didn't miss it, and he narrowed his eyes; he knew for a fact that if Takeshi wanted to fuck him, then the younger had no reason to hide it and not take what he wanted; Xanxus had never had need to be embarrassed or hide things like that; he'd just say out loud bluntly what he wanted, and even if Squalo had said no, it didn't matter; he just drove knives through the other's palms to keep him in place as he took what he wanted with no mercy.

Squalo wasn't sure why he found himself sauntering closer to the teen; all he knew was that, eventually, they were standing so close, their chests were brushing together. In a low voice, he growled, "Why are you hiding things from me, Takeshi? Do you not trust me enough to _tell _me…? Xanxus would have told me right out he was having wet dreams about me. Hell, if he wanted from me the things _you _do, he'd have taken them, no matter how many times I yelled and screamed and _begged _no… So why aren't you doing the same…? That's what you want from me, isn't it, Takeshi?"

Takeshi gulped. He wasn't used to being confronted like this, and though he had never felt threatened by Squalo before, he almost was right now; whatever was going through Squalo's mind had unhinged him, and there was no telling how this could end. "…"

"You want to know what's been keeping me awake at night, Takeshi? Dreams. About you. You fucking me senseless until I wake up and find my pants are wet and sticky. How fucking hard was that? You couldn't even tell me you have the same problem, could you? Bel never has any problems telling me about his wet dreams, so why do you?"

Takeshi clenched his hands and looked to his feet. He wasn't exactly angry, but when he spoke, it was in a much lower, serious tone than was usually heard from him. "I'm not Bel… I never could be Bel… And to be honest, I don't _want _to be anything like him… I like how I am, and I have no intention of changing… But if not wanting to tell you I feel the same way as you do makes me lesser than Bel… Then I honestly feel relieved… He might tell you and make you feel scared or uncomfortable, but _I _don't want to do that to you… And if not telling you these things is the only way I can help you feel safe with me, then I'll hide it all…"

"You're an idiot…"

The younger male looked up into Squalo's dark eyes. His own caramel orbs were hardened from his emotion, but they softened when they noticed the look of despair the older male was carrying. "…"

"You really think… you have to sugar coat shit for me like that…? Just to make me feel safe…" Squalo shook his head. "I'm not as weak and helpless as Bucking Horse makes me out to be… I don't need you to protect me…"

"Squalo…" Takeshi didn't know what had come over him; all he knew was that his urges had gotten the better of him and he couldn't stop himself from reaching out and grabbing the other's shoulders in order to pull Squalo in for a kiss.

Takeshi felt all of his prior frustrations melt away as his lips met Squalo's. The kiss was a messy one, with lips and saliva clashing everywhere as both participants battled for domination. Takeshi won, of course, and though Squalo didn't particularly seem to the care, the long-haired man shoved the younger away when he felt nimble fingers going straight for the flesh hidden beneath his shirt.

"Fuck off!" Squalo wiped the saliva from his lips as he glared at Takeshi. "You think I'm going to let you do whatever you want?!"

"..."

"Just because I feel different towards you doesn't mean I'm gonna let you fuck me! How do I know it won't end like it did with Xanxus?!"

"…" Takeshi sighed. He leant down and picked his sword up from the ground. He knew he shouldn't have tried rushing things between them the way he had, and he was understanding why Squalo was reacting this way; after everything that had happened to the long-haired man, the last thing Squalo wanted was to put trust in someone, only to be hurt again. "I'm sorry, Squalo. Let's go back to practising."

Squalo didn't want to argue; he was too tired to find the energy to do so. Instead, all he could manage was to pick his sword up again and swing it harder than he had intended at the younger male. He dropped it once again when Takeshi let out a cry of pain; he should have been more careful because right now, there was blood all over the hardwood floor beneath them as Takeshi's sleeve became saturated in the sticky red fluid. "Fuck! Brat, I didn't mean…!"

"S-squalo…" Takeshi's face was contorted with pain, and Squalo was horrified; he didn't mean for this to happen; he just…!

"I'm getting Mammon to call an ambulance; stay there!" With that said, Squalo ran from the room in search for his friend.

_**~~XX~~**_

Takeshi was sleepless that night. He lay in his bed, staring up at the roof while Tsuna and Hayato slept peacefully on the other side of the room. His arm was burning, the painkillers he had been given starting to wear off and the deep wound that had been stitched up was making its severity known again.

But even as much as his wound was hurting, it wasn't really the pain that was stopping him from sleeping. No; it was the fact that tonight, like almost every night since Bel had been out of the hospital, the boy could be heard through the bedroom walls – it just so happened that tonight, it wasn't him crying or screaming for one reason or another; instead, he was moaning and crying out as his bed squeaked beneath the weight of both him and Squalo. Why Squalo could still engage in such acts with Bel when the long-haired man knew how Takeshi felt for him was beyond the Japanese male, but he tried not to think about it too much; listening to it happen right next to him on the other side of the wall was already enough to bring him to tears.

Takeshi wiped at his damp eyes with the back of his hand as he tried to stifle a sob; the last thing he wanted was to wake his friends up. Part of him was glad that Squalo was mostly silent, with only the occasional grunt or soft moan audible through the walls; Takeshi was sure it would have killed him inside to have it rubbed in his face that Squalo was enjoying what he was doing with Bel when it should have been _him _the man was with…

Though the walls were rather thick, Bel was very loud, especially when he was getting closer and closer to his orgasm. It was harder to hear Squalo since he seemed to be so quiet, but that didn't matter; just seconds after Takeshi had heard Bel climax, the blond's shouting could be heard, and from all of the time he had spent in Italy, he could actually understand most of what was being said.

"Why would you do that?!"

"What the fuck…"

Takeshi looked over at Hayato and Tsuna when he heard the silver-haired male mumble sleepily. "…"

"Why would you _fucking _do that?!" The sound of Bel slapping Squalo could be heard through the wall, but if Squalo had said or done anything in return, Takeshi couldn't make it out. "Why would you say _his _name and not _mine?! _I never did that to you!"

"For fuck's sake, they need to shut up…" Hayato rolled onto his side and pulled his pillow over his head to block out the yelling. "We're trying to sleep…!"

Takeshi didn't reply; he was too busy listening to what was being said in the other room, but no matter how hard he tried to listen in, he just couldn't make out what Squalo was saying.

"If you love him so much, why don't you go fuck _him_ instead?! Don't lead me on like this! I thought you loved me!"

Takeshi frowned; if that was what Bel really thought, the blond's mental health was far more twisted than he had originally thought.

"Don't touch me! Let me go, asshole! I hate you!" Whatever was going on in there drew a loud scream of pain from Bel. "That fucking hurts! Go away!"

The Japanese male could just make out loud footsteps stomping out of the room, and Bel's bedroom door slamming closed seconds before Squalo's own did. Takeshi's frown only grew deeper as he listened to Bel crying to himself in the other room; so Takeshi wasn't the only one having love problems…

"What happened, Yamamoto…?" Tsuna, like Hayato, was groggy from sleep. "Why was he yelling like that…?"

"…I don't know, Tsuna… They've stopped now. Go back to sleep." Takeshi tried his hardest to be supportive, but it was hard when there were already tears running down his cheeks.

Takeshi had been right all along; loving someone _was _the hardest thing he had ever done.


	12. Chapter 12

"Did you and Bel have a fight?"

Squalo looked up from where he had been picking at the stitching in his jeans. He frowned as he noticed Takeshi standing next to the couch; he hadn't even heard the younger come in… He shrugged. "The little shit's just spoilt rotten… How's your arm?"

Takeshi offered a smile. He gestured to the bandage still out in the open as he hadn't rolled his sleeve over it. "It's okay. I just had a shower; it's stinging a little bit but I can handle it."

Squalo looked away so he could glare out of the window as he mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'sorry'. "…"

"Where's everyone gone?" Takeshi could sense that Squalo didn't mind his company at the moment, so he took the opportunity to sit on the couch next to the older male.

"Bucking Horse has got Bel at the physio for his pelvis. Not sure about the other two brats."

The Japanese male grabbed the TV remote from the coffee table in front of them so he could turn it on. He then said, "Can I ask you a question? You don't have to answer it if you don't want to."

"Yeah…"

"Dino told me you don't enjoy sex, so why do you do it with Bel?" Takeshi couldn't keep the sadness out of his voice; why was the man turning him down, yet engaging in all of that with the blond…?

"Takeshi." Squalo's tone had become serious, and the man had fixed a hard look on the younger. "I _don't _enjoy sex. I fuckin' hate it. I slept around for money to buy drugs and alcohol, but I haven't done that shit since I've been trying to get off it all. I _hate _sex; what I was doing was nothing but stupid attempts at pretending I was okay. And if Bel wasn't as fucking horny as he always is, I'd have never touched him. I do it with him because _he _wants it. Not because I _want _to, but because I do it for _him_. So don't go getting the wrong fuckin' idea; all it's ever been between us is me trying to give him the comfort he needs."

Takeshi let out a breath of relief he hadn't even realised he'd been holding. "So… It's _not _because you're choosing him over me…?"

Squalo shook his head. "His family had been selling him as a prostitute since he was three; it really fucked him up in the head. He actually loves sex, and he craves it. It helps him feel safe and comfortable knowing he has some control over his body now. He trusts me most, so it's usually me he seeks out. I'm not choosing him over anyone, Takeshi; I'm just trying to help comfort him."

"But… If you can do that for him… Why are you scared of _me_…?" The younger male sighed. "It's clear you like me, too… But I just don't get why you'd let me kiss you and then… And then…"

"Takeshi. I have not kissed _anyone _in eight fucking years. Not even Bel. He tries to kiss me all the time and gets my foot up his ass for it. But you… You're different."

"If I'm different, then it's okay, right? For me to kiss you. And hold you. And for us to be together."

"…"

"It's because of Xanxus, isn't it? You're just scared of having to go through all of that again." Takeshi slowly reached his hand out until his fingertips were resting ever-so-slightly against Squalo's cheek. "But I'm not like Xanxus. Give me a chance to prove that to you. Please."

Squalo chewed at his lip in worry. It was true that over the past weeks he had contemplated long and hard about how he felt towards Takeshi, and he knew he _was _attracted to the other – but after everything he had been through…

Surely Takeshi could do better than _him_…

"I'm not like Xanxus, and if you'll let me, I can prove that."

Squalo closed his eyes. It was true he wanted so badly to be able to accept Takeshi, but he was just so afraid… But, oh, fuck it; what did he have left to lose? He didn't have _anything _left. "…Okay…"

Takeshi's smile brightened. He pressed his palm against Squalo's cheek so he could cup the other's face and leave a soft kiss against pale lips. Squalo didn't reciprocate this time, but the younger had expected it; instead of trying to deepen the kiss, he instead pulled away and beamed at his new boyfriend. He said nothing as he wrapped his arms around the older male in a tight embrace; it was the only way he could express how happy he was right now.

Squalo gasped at the sudden intimacy. He instinctively tried to break free, but the fact that Takeshi only seemed to tighten his hold now was enough for him to be on the verge of hyperventilating.

"Squalo?" Takshi finally released his hold when he heard the other's panicked breaths. "I'm sorry; should I wait longer before I hug you?"

Now that Squalo wasn't feeling so claustrophobic, he shook his head. "…No, brat… It's fine, just… Just warn me or some shit next time…"

Takeshi nodded. He placed a soft kiss on the man's cheek before he stood up and asked, "Have you eaten breakfast yet? I can cook us sushi if you're hungry."

Squalo nodded. He knew it was going to take a long time to be able to adjust to being with someone again, but at least Takeshi wasn't being a prick to him…

All Squalo hoped for was that Takeshi would _never _turn out to be like Xanxus; if it ever came to that, he didn't think he'd be able to handle it.

_**~~XX~~**_

When night came and everyone had eaten their dinner, Takeshi stood with Squalo out on the back veranda. The long-haired man was smoking a cigarette into the cold night air, but Takeshi didn't mind; he was too busy gushing about how happy he was for Squalo to finally have accepted.

"Ne, Squalo?"

The addressed man sighed. He never had been very big on socialising, and he would be lying if he said Takeshi's constant talking wasn't irritating him. "What…?"

"Can we sleep together for tonight?" Takeshi quickly continued on when he noticed how tense the other had become. "Not like that! I mean, can I sleep in your bed with you?"

The clarification didn't make Squalo feel much better; though he was used to sleeping with Bel, it was _Bel_ and not… not _Takeshi_… "…"

"Do you need more time?" Takeshi didn't mind when he received a nod in response; he instead smiled in understanding. "Okay. Not tonight, then."

"Voi…" Squalo took a deep puff of his cigarette before he spoke again. "What do those other brats think about us…?"

"Eh? Tsuna and Dino are really happy! Gokudera… We haven't told him yet; I don't… know how he'll take it…"

"Don't tell him; I lost a fuckload of friends when I told them I was with Xanxus… Just keep it between the other two. …What are your parents gonna think? Will you tell them?"

"My mum died when I was real little…" The Japanese male sighed sadly, but he quickly perked up again when his dad crossed his mind. "My pop will be happy for me, too, though; he's the kind of dad you know will always support you, no matter what."

"You're lucky to have a father like that, brat; mine just treated me like a punching bag and made sure I knew what a failure I was. My mother was the same; she just yelled and screamed and did whatever she could to bring me down. I was ten when I was diagnosed with depression from it all."

The younger reached out and took Squalo's free hand. He squeezed it tight before he said in a soft manner, "I hope you can meet my pop one day; I know he's going to like you lots."

Squalo sighed again; somehow, he doubted those words. "…Yeah, brat."

A peaceful silence fell between the two for several minutes before it was broken by the sound of the back door opening and Dino calling out. "Hey, guys, we're playing some board games. Are you joining?"

"I will, Dino!" Takeshi laughed happily as he grabbed at Squalo's arm and tugged it. "Come play with us, Squalo!"

The long-haired man grunted in annoyance before he pulled his arm back to himself. "Nah, brat. I'm goin' for a walk."

"Okay~" The teen leant down and placed a kiss on his new boyfriend's cheek. "I love you~"

"...Hn…" Squalo put the cigarette butt out and stood up. "…Have fun, brat…"

Squalo had put his back to the younger male as he got ready to leave through the back gate, but he quickly stopped and froze on the spot when he felt strong arms wrap around him. He almost panicked again, but this time, he was able to remain mostly calm; he had to remind himself that it was only Takeshi trying to be affectionate with him; something he hadn't experienced in – well, to be honest, he never _had _experienced it before.

The long-haired man didn't say a word when Takeshi released him; all he did was give a soft grunt in acknowledgement before he left the backyard.

"How's he doing, Takeshi?" Dino smiled at his guest when the younger stepped past him into the house.

"Ah, really good!" Takeshi beamed up at his host. "He even lets me hug him!"

"I'm glad." The blond patted Takeshi's head as they walked to the living room. "This is the best I've seen him in years."

"Do you think he's almost off everything for good?" Takeshi's tone was hopeful.

"I think he's halfway there, but he's still got a long way to go." Dino's smile widened. "He's only gotten this far because you've been there to help him. Keep it up."

"Thanks! I can't wait for tomorrow; I wanna go out for breakfast with him."

"You might get lucky. You're the only one he's gone into town with in five years."

Now that they were standing in the doorway of the living room, Takeshi didn't respond directly; Hayato was sitting by the board game in the middle of the floor, listening to them, and he didn't want the silver-haired male to find out that he was dating Squalo; it was hard to predict how the younger would react, and the last thing he wanted was to lose Hayato as a friend.

Instead, Takeshi's smile became impossibly wide as he took a seat on the floor between Tsuna and Bel. Tonight was going to be a good night; he could feel it.


	13. Chapter 13

"You fucking piece of shit!"

Takeshi's eyes snapped open at Squalo's shout. He sat upright in his bed as he looked at the wall he was against; he could tell the yelling was coming from Bel's bedroom, but he couldn't work out why; why was the man yelling like this at… The teen glanced at the alarm clock across from him; at five-thirty in the morning?

"I'll fucking kill you, you goddamned son of a fucking –"

It was Bel's pained scream cutting off Squalo's yelling that had Takeshi and his friends out of bed and in Bel's bedroom within seconds. Hayato and Tsuna stood by the door, shocked to see the way the long-haired man had Bel on the ground beating him; what could the blond have done to piss Squalo off so badly when he was supposed to be confined to his bed without Dino to help him around the house…?

"Squalo! Stop!" Takeshi was the one to run forward and grab his boyfriend's arm as Dino's heavy footfalls could be heard rushing to the fray. "Squalo! You're hurting him!"

Squalo shrugged Takeshi's hands off his body. "Get off me, Takeshi! I'm going to kill him!"

"Squalo!" It must have been the desperation leaking out of Takeshi's voice that made the Italian finally stop what he was doing and turn to look at the teen. Takeshi frowned at the disoriented expression on the other's face before he asked in a much softer tone, "What did he do, Squalo?"

"That little bastard got up through the night and took all my fuckin' drugs! He's not even meant to be fucking _walking _and he's stabbed me in the fucking back!" Squalo shook the boy aggressively for good measure.

Takeshi hated to see his boyfriend like this, but what could he do? Squalo was still rather reliant on the drugs and needed them every time he woke up, so to have them taken from him like this… It was no wonder the other was so angry. "Squalo… Please don't hurt Bel… I'm sorry; I don't know how to help you this time… Just please… Please stop hurting him… I don't like seeing you like this…"

"I don't fuckin' care! I hate him! He knows not to touch my shit and look what he's done! It's all gone!" When Squalo felt Takeshi grab his arm again, he pushed it back with as much force as he could until he felt his elbow connect with something. He didn't stop his attack on Bel even after hearing Takeshi make a pained sound; he could focus on his boyfriend later – right now, Bel needed to be taught to _not fucking steal his shit. _"Fuck off, Takeshi!"

"Squalo!" It was incredibly rare to hear Dino raise his voice – in fact, none of the trio could ever remember the kind-hearted blond doing so since they'd known him – but right now, it was clear that their host was pissed, and for good reason. "Squalo, get your hands off Bel and move away from them!"

Squalo had just slammed the back of Bel's head against the corner of his bed post when he felt Dino grabbing both of his arms and pulling him away from the boy. He yelled incoherently as he struggled to break free and continue the assault, but Dino was stronger than him and he couldn't do it.

Dino dragged his friend out of the room and into the hallway. He didn't stop until he had been able to pin the younger male against the wall and was satisfied the other couldn't escape; though he always resorted to violence as a last resort, now was _not _the time for talking things out and Squalo had to be brought back to his senses by any means necessary, even if it meant getting physical himself.

"Squalo, look at me!" Dino's yelling was almost frightening; though he was so gentle by nature, when he got mad, he was a force to be reckoned with. "_Look _at me! What are you trying to do?!"

"That bastard took what I had left! I hate him!" Squalo's yelling only got angrier.

"So you think it's okay to attack him and Takeshi?! You could have broken Takeshi's nose, and how _dare _you lay a hand on Bel the way you just did! That was _not _called for, no matter _what _he did!"

"I'll deal with Takeshi later; just let me get the fucker so I can kill him!"

"_Squalo!_" Dino's shout could have shaken the house. "Listen to yourself! That is _not _you talking, and you _know _it! You _don't _attack Bel; you come to _me _so I can go and get you _more_!"

"You think I can fuckin' wait all that time for you to go and get what that little shit stole?! I need it _now_!" Squalo used all his strength to lurch forward. He almost succeeded in freeing himself, but Dino had anticipated it and could get another hold on his friend. "Voi! You don't fuckin' understand! I need it!"

"Squalo, I _do _understand! But you just hurt two of the kids! I _won't _let you do that to _any _of them! If you can calm yourself down, I'll go and buy you more!"

"You don't fuckin' –"

"- Squalo…?"

Squalo stopped thrashing the second he caught sight of Takeshi. The younger's face was smeared in blood, as was his hands and the front of his pyjama shirt. There was bruising already forming around his eyes, and his voice was rather nasally. Suddenly, every bit of anger and hatred he had felt vanished, and it was replaced instead by a feeling he couldn't quite comprehend; why was he feeling so… So _guilty_…? "…"

Takeshi lifted his hand to his nose again to try and stem the gushing blood. "Squalo, you… Why would you do that…?"

"…" Squalo's mouth opened and closed wordlessly for several seconds before he sent a helpless look to Dino and said, "For fuck's sake, get me something _now _before I lose my fuckin' mind!"

Dino released the smaller male from his hold and instead grabbed Squalo's hand. "You're coming with me; I'm not leaving you with the kids by yourself while you're like this."

Squalo didn't complain; anything to get him away from Takeshi when the younger was hurt because of _him_…

Takeshi watched them go before he went back into Bel's room to see what was happening; part of him was glad Dino had taken Squalo with him as he wasn't sure he could face the other right now; he needed time to gather himself after what had just happened, and he was sure Squalo felt the same way.

"Bel…" Instead of focusing on the hurt festering inside of him, Takeshi went back to the injured blond Tsuna was holding. He took his pyjama shirt off and held it against blond hair to stop the blood that was flowing like rivers before he pulled the boy into his arms and held him tight to try and stop the other's tears.

"Are you okay, Yamamoto?" Hayato was unsettled by what had happened, and concern continued to grow. "Should we call an ambulance?"

Takeshi shook his head. "I'm okay. I think Bel is, too. Just… When Dino and Squalo come home… Tell Squalo I'm asleep…"

Tsuna and Hayato looked at each other in worry, but they didn't argue; they both knew Takeshi just needed time to himself for a while.

_**~~XX~~**_

From the alarm clock on the other side of the room, Takeshi could see it was nearing ten in the morning. He sighed as he pulled the blankets higher; though he was feeling better about what had happened earlier, he still wasn't sure he was ready to face Squalo; he needed just a little longer…

_Knock knock knock _

Takeshi lifted his head from the pillow. Against his better judgement, he called out, "Come in…"

The door swung open slowly and Squalo stood there, with his head ducked and his hands fumbling in front of him. Neither of them spoke for a while before he finally mumbled, "You still mad at me…?"

The Japanese male shook his head. "I was never mad at you, Squalo… I just… You really scared me… I never want to see you like that again… It was… It was one of… One of the most frightening things I've ever had to go through…"

Squalo sighed. "…"

"…"

"Can I come in…?"

"Of course. I still want to be with you."

Squalo was hesitant, but he eventually found himself sitting on the edge of the bed next to the younger. "…I didn't mean… That wasn't me, Takeshi… I'm not… I'm not like that; I just… I lost control… I'm… I'm…"

"You don't need to apologise; I know you're not like that. Dino told me a while ago that something like that could happen. I knew what I was getting myself into; I just… I guess I was hoping I'd just never have to see it…"

"…"

"…"

Squalo flinched when he felt arms wrap around his middle. His breathing picked up from anxiety, and all he could manage to do was snap, "Voi! The fuck are ya doin'?!"

"I'm hugging you." As if to prove his point, Takeshi tightened his hold on the man's waist. He dropped his head on Squalo's lap as he sighed. "…Squalo…"

"…What…?"

"Will you promise me… you'll never hurt Bel like that again…? Or anyone…? I don't think I could stand having to see that again… And poor Bel… He was terrified…"

"…"

"Squalo?"

"I'm sorry…"

"You don't need to apologise to me, Squalo; it's okay." The younger raised his hand so he could drag the tips of his fingers through the man's long hair. He didn't miss the way his boyfriend flinched again, but Squalo wasn't protesting, so he kept going.

The room fell silent as Takeshi continued to comb his fingers through Squalo's hair, but after an undeterminable amount of time later, the older male was the one to lean down and press his lips softly against Takeshi's. The Japanese male didn't need any encouragement to return the kiss; he parted his lips almost instantly as he sought to deepen the intimate act. He removed his hand from Squalo's hair and instead cupped the man's cheek, smiling softly as he heard an almost inaudible moan from the older male.

When they broke apart for air, Takeshi was the first to speak. "I want to go on a date."

Squalo couldn't help but snort despite his flushed appearance. "You sound like a fuckin' retard right now because of your busted nose, and you expect me to take you on a date."

"Well, yeah. We can get lunch." Takeshi sent the man a whimsical smile, one that Squalo just couldn't resist.

"Fine. I'll take ya… But don't fuckin' complain if people laugh at you because of your nose!"

Takeshi chuckled. "That's okay; I just want to spend time with you is all."

Squalo sighed. It wasn't entirely bad hearing his boyfriend say such things, but even so… It did still make him uncomfortable at times…

But now wasn't the time to focus on that; Takeshi wanted food, and if agreeing to a date was the only way he'd get the younger out of bed, then he would do it.

The only problem was, neither of them could have foreseen what was going to happen upon leaving the safety of Dino's home.


	14. Chapter 14

"Squalo, where are the best places to eat?" Takeshi looked up at his boyfriend as the two walked through the busy streets in search of somewhere to have lunch together.

Squalo shrugged. "Fucked if I know; haven't eaten out in years."

Takeshi grabbed the older male's hand and tugged on it to stop the man from walking any further. He pointed to the intersection just up ahead before he said, "Dino took us to eat at a restaurant somewhere down there. It was really good; can we eat there, please?"

Squalo nodded. He tugged his hand back to his person, uncomfortable with the idea of people seeing how close he was with the younger; he had once suffered daily through the torment that came with having a same-sex partner, and he didn't think he could go through it again, not so soon after trying to come off the only coping mechanism he could find. "Sure, brat…"

Takeshi smiled. "Hey, Squalo? What do you want to do after we eat?"

The taller male looked away as he mumbled guiltily, "Go back to Bucking Horse's and sit in my room…"

"But, Squalo, there's lots we could be doing together; don't you want to live your life instead of staying inside all of the time?"

Squalo shrugged. He knew how active and social the younger was, and he felt bad that he couldn't give that to Takeshi – hell, even agreeing to take him out to lunch was causing too much stress for him. "…"

"Dino gave me a lot of money to spend; can we go and see a movie or something after?" Takeshi was hopeful; whatever it took to get Squalo out of the house for a while.

"…Maybe…"

"Ne, Squalo? You should have played board games with us last night; it was lots of fun."

"Yeah, brat?" Squalo's mood became lighter at these words; this he could deal with…

"Gokudera kept losing, and he got so frustrated he stood up to leave, but Bel stuck his leg out and tripped him over. Gokudera landed face-first into his lap. It was funny watching him yell about it."

"Who won?" Squalo was glad they weren't far from the restaurant now; he wanted to sit down somewhere quiet and just listen to what Takeshi had to say.

"I won a few games, but it was mostly Dino and Bel who kept winning."

"How's the brat doing? Is he okay from… From this morning…?" The long-haired man frowned as he recalled the fit of rage he had taken out on Bel. He knew he should never have hurt the younger like that, but he hadn't been able to help it; he had just lost control…

"I think so; Tsuna said he calmed down when Dino came back and took him to the hospital. But Squalo…?"

"Yeah…?"

"Promise me you'll never act like that again – to _anyone_… Please?"

"Takeshi, I _can't _promise anything like that because I – Shit!"

Takeshi frowned when his boyfriend spun around on the spot and stared behind them at the way they had come. He touched the older male's arm gently. "What's wrong, Squalo?"

"…I thought I saw… Never mind…" Squalo hated to know he had started shaking at just the _thought _of…

"Xanxus?" Takeshi wasn't a stupid person; naïve and focused too much on baseball, yes, but he was _far _from a stupid person and he could click on to certain things a lot faster than most people gave him credit for.

"…" Squalo nodded. "…Yeah… I must have been seeing things again…"

"I'm sure it'll be okay; even if it _was _him, he's not there anymore so he might not have seen you." Takeshi offered another smile. "Come on; the restaurant's just up ahead. We can sit and talk somewhere away from everyone."

The man nodded; he would just be glad to get out of the street.

As hoped for, the restaurant was relatively quiet. While there were quite a few patrons, the restaurant was big enough for them all to be spread out. Takeshi went and claimed a table for them both while Squalo placed the orders; he may have picked up a lot on Italian, but he still wasn't confident enough to try and use it in such a setting.

Squalo didn't take long to come back, and when he did, he seemed a lot more relaxed than he had out on the street. Takeshi was just glad the other was settling in okay. He sparked up more conversation with his boyfriend as they waited for their meals to be brought out, and the more involved Squalo became in the chat, the less on-edge he felt to the point where he didn't even bat an eyelid at the single individual coming in through the front doors not long after them; all that mattered to him in this moment was Takeshi.

However, that all stopped when a thunderous roar ripped through the building and the screams of patrons and workers alike filled the air. Squalo shuddered, having long-since grown too accustomed to the crack of a gun to be full of panic like everyone else. He dragged his gaze painfully slow to the single figure standing in front of the only way in and out of the building, and when his eyes locked onto red ones he was all-too familiar with, he felt the weight of despair he thought he had finally gotten rid of on his shoulders once again.

"Squalo…"

The long-haired man looked at Takeshi next. He could see the younger was frightened, but what caused him the most pain was when he allowed his gaze to fall onto what Takeshi was staring at, and found himself looking at the lifeless body of what had once been a patron.

"Don't look." Squalo wrapped his arms around Takeshi and pulled him in close to hide the younger's face against his chest. He bravely moved his gaze back to those red eyes he had come to despise, but even after all these years, nothing had changed; he was still met with the same look of pure loathing. "…"

"So the shark trash _is _still alive."

"Squalo…" Takeshi couldn't help but return the embrace Squalo was giving him. He had never felt so scared before, but then again, he had never _seen _someone be shot in the head right in front of him… He was feeling so much at once, and he didn't know how to deal with it; it was a mixture of fear, despair and heartbreak at knowing someone had just died, and it made him fear for his own life for the first time. He barely noticed the tears that were dripping down his own cheeks; he had never thought he'd be in a situation such as this, and he didn't know what to do. "Squalo, what's happening…?"

Squalo dragged his fingers through Takeshi's hair to bring comfort to the younger. "Xanxus…"

Takeshi lifted his head to peek at what was happening by the front of the store. He gasped as a woman tried to run past Xanxus and out onto the street, but as soon as that gun had been lifted into the air, he quickly hid his face against Squalo's chest again; the resulting gun shot and thud of a body hitting the floor was enough for him.

"What's the matter, shark trash?" Xanxus' voice was harsh, and it make Takeshi shake more than he already was; there was just something about that voice that made him want to plead for his life to be spared, to get away by any means necessary and not look back. "You not happy to see me?"

"Fuck off…" Squalo himself was stressed, and it seemed all he could do was sit there and hold Takeshi in his arms in a piss-weak attempt at protecting the younger.

"That's no way to talk to your boyfriend, scum."

_Bang!_

_Thud_

_Bang! Bang!_

_Thud -crash- thud_

Takeshi could have screamed in horror as he lifted his hands to his ears to try and block out the sounds of death that were all around him, but it was useless; the gun shots were louder than anything he had ever heard before, and he felt helpless. "Squalo… Make it stop…"

Squalo couldn't tear his eyes away from the murderous scene in front of him; bodies were dropping like flies, the air was filled with gunshots, screaming and the breaking of glass, but the thing that got to him the most was the way Xanxus was laughing as if he found the whole situation hilarious. One-by-one, people were gunned down until there was no one left except Xanxus, Squalo and Takeshi.

"You're fucking sick…" Squalo flinched as the older male started walking towards them now that he didn't need to block the exit for anyone else. "I hate you so fucking much…"

"Is that so?" Xanxus waited until he was standing in front of the table Takeshi had chosen. The building was eerily silent for what felt like an eternity before it was shattered by the sound of Xanxus flipping the table onto the floor.

Takeshi could only stare helplessly as he felt Xanxus grab his arm and pull him closer. He knew he should have put up a fight, do _something _to get away before he met his end like the countless others that had painted the walls and flood red within minutes, but he was powerless; all he could do was allow the furious thumping of his heart deafen him as he waited for the bullet that surely had his name on it.

"No!"

Takeshi yelled as he felt himself being pulled backwards at the same second something silver came flying towards his face. He whimpered as he felt his chin being torn open, but he couldn't care about that; he was too busy watching in horror from his new position on the ground as Squalo tried desperately to shield him from the knife Xanxus had grabbed off their table before flipping it.

"Leave him alone, fucker!" Squalo knew he couldn't stand up to Xanxus, and that in attempting to do so would only get him killed, but he didn't care about that; as long as Takeshi could get away, that was all that mattered. "Takeshi! Get the fuck out of here!"

Takeshi didn't even have a chance to obey before there was another deafening bang and he felt something pierce through his back and all way out of his stomach. His eyes widened in pain as he watched the rivers of blood pool beneath him; now they were both going to die, and Squalo had tried to protect him in vain…

"Voi! Takeshi!"

Takeshi felt more tears roll down his cheeks as he watched the way Squalo tried to fight but was powerless against his opponent. It was supposed to be _him _protecting Squalo, just like he had promised, but all he could do was sit there and cry…

And now, Squalo was going to die a slow and painful death because of him, and there was nothing he could do about it… He curled up onto the floor and tried to block everything out, but it was hard to do so when he was deafened by what was happening.

But as if the gods themselves had taken pity on Takeshi, the Japanese male blacked out, giving him reprieve from the nightmare that still had yet to end.


	15. Chapter 15

When Takeshi's eyes opened again, an undeterminable amount of time had passed and he was staring up at a roof so white, it was almost blinding. He could hear signs of life around him, but it was hard to tell what they were or who was making them as loud, steady beeps almost drowned them out completely. He winced as he turned his head to the side to try and figure out what was going on; was Squalo here? He hoped so badly the other was…

"Takeshi!"

Takeshi could have vomited at the way Dino's voice was choked from tears; did he really have to do that to someone he cared about…? He bit at his lip as he saw the blond rushing towards him; though he was glad Dino was alright, he wanted to know about Squalo…

"Oh, Takeshi, you had us all so worried!" Dino's arms wrapped around the younger to hold Takeshi tight as a few stray tears rolled down his cheeks and splattered on the Japanese male's face. "When the police knocked on my door… You had Tsuna and Hayato scared, too; I've never seen them cry before…"

"Dino…" Takeshi whimpered as pain flared through his stomach when he tried to roll onto his side to face the man. "…Dino, where's Squalo…? Is he okay…?"

"Takeshi, he's alive." The blond sat on the edge of the bed so he could thread his fingers through his charge's hair. "He's been badly hurt, but he's awake. Bel's sitting with him now to keep him company."

"What happened to him…?" Did Takeshi want to hear the answer? Probably not, but it didn't stop him from asking it anyway.

"…A lot…" Dino sighed. "He's been unconscious the past few days, too. He woke up yesterday. Bel hasn't left his side; he's been too scared _to _do so. It's not my place to tell you what happened to him, Takeshi; I'm sure Squalo will fill you in on it when he feels up to it."

Takeshi nodded. "What about Tsuna and Gokudera? Where are they?"

"You've got to remember that they're still kids themselves; they've been visiting every day but they don't have the kind of strength you do; it's hard for them to stay all day seeing you like this."

"It would be…" The smaller male lifted his arm so he could drape it over his eyes. "The lights in this room are bright, Dino… Can I go and see Squalo?"

"I need to check with the nurse first; you were pretty horribly injured. The nurses were amazed the bullet managed to just miss major arteries." Dino stood up. "I'll be right back, Takeshi."

Takeshi didn't mind as his guardian left the room. He stared out of the window into the black of night, but there was nothing there to interest him; he couldn't make anything out anyway.

The teen was relieved when Dino returned with a nurse and a wheelchair. He cooperated as they both helped him into it; finally, he could reassure himself that Squalo was going to be okay…

It didn't take long to reach Squalo's side since the man's room was only down the other end of the corridor, so Takeshi didn't mind the minute-long silence that ensued as he was wheeled towards it. He held his breath when Dino opened the door, and he didn't let go of it until he had been wheeled next to the bed both Squalo and Bel were laying on.

"Takeshi…" Squalo's voice was a breathy whisper, as if he couldn't believe his eyes. He slowly pushed himself into a sitting position so he could look at the younger better; after all this time, he could finally see for himself that the one person he had come to care about most _hadn't _been taken from him after all. "Takeshi, you're alright…"

The teen nodded. "What about you?"

A dark look crossed Squalo's face before he raised his hand into the air – or, at least, he raised what _used _to be his hand as now all that was there was a bandaged stump. "I've been better… When did you wake up?"

"Just now. I was worried about you."

"…" Squalo looked down at Bel. He was silent for several more seconds before he started pushing lightly at the blond's shoulders. "Bel, I need to talk to Takeshi. Go with the Bucking Horse."

Bel made an agitated sound as he wrapped his arms around the man's waist. He shook his head. "No! I'm staying here with you!"

"Brat, it's only for a few minutes. Go."

"No!" When tears started streaming down Bel's cheeks and his protests turned to screams, it was clear that what had happened had caused deep damage for the blond, even if he hadn't been directly involved with what had happened. "I'm not leaving Squ!"

"Come on, Bel; we'll go and get something to eat."

Takeshi watched in silence as Dino battled against Bel's thrashing in order to pick the younger up from the bed and carry him out of the room. Even when the door closed behind them, his yelling and crying could still be heard. "He's taken this very hard…"

"Never seen the poor brat so upset before… He just doesn't want to lose me is all…" Squalo sighed. He patted his bed before he asked, "Can you get up here?"

Though it was incredibly painful to do so, Takeshi eventually managed to get himself up onto the bed next to Squalo. He lay next to the man as he tried to recover from the pain moving had brought on, but all that vanished to the back of his mind when he felt strong arms wrap around him and hold him close. "Squalo?"

"Takeshi…" Squalo nuzzled the younger male's cheek. "…"

Takeshi returned the affection before he whispered, "I'm so glad you're okay… I love you…"

"…Yeah…" The man planted a soft kiss on the stitches on Takeshi's chin. "…I… love you, too…"

Joy filled Takeshi like he had never felt before. "Really?!"

The long-haired man nodded. "Yeah… It's just… I wouldn't have fuckin' done what I did if I didn't love ya… You're not like Xanxus… Look at what the fucker did… He thought it was funny… And you were crying over it… Part of me… was always scared that maybe… you _were _like Xanxus and I just… hadn't seen it yet… But I think you've proven you're better than he could ever be…"

Takeshi frowned as memories of that day flooded his mind. He tried to think about Squalo instead, not wanting to remember the blood that seemed to be everywhere he tried to look. "…What happened to him…?"

"I don't know; he had me on the ground… Fucking me… The last I remember is him letting me go and then… cops… I spoke to them yesterday, but they didn't tell me what happened to him; just that… You and me… We're the only survivors…"

Takeshi didn't try and stop the tears that welled up in his eyes. He let out a loud sob as he started to cry; why did it hurt so much when all those people had been nothing more than strangers to him…? Was it because he _cared _for those people whose names he didn't even know? Was that possible? He wasn't sure; all he knew was that he could feel mourning for those victims he wished had never been in that restaurant.

"It's okay if you want to cry…" Squalo ran his hand along Takeshi's head in the only manner he knew to be comforting. "I'm here with ya… You can cry to me…"

Takeshi shook his head. Through his sobs, he managed to get out, "All those people… Just minding their own business… I wish that had never happened, Squalo… I feel so responsible…"

"Hey… Brat… It's not your fault…"

"I know it's not… I just wish we never led him there…" Takeshi wiped at his wet eyes. "…But even so… I'm just… Even though we had to go through all of that… I'm just so glad I still get to be with you, Squalo… I love you so much…"

Squalo caressed the boy's lips with his thumb. "…I love you, too… I'm sorry I struggled so much before; I just… I…"

"You don't have to explain anything, Squalo… I know…"

The man nodded. He closed his eyes as sudden exhaustion befell him. "Takeshi… I'm tired…"

"Me, too, Squalo… Me, too…"

"I'm goin' to sleep… You should do the same…" With that said, Squalo pulled Takeshi even closer against him until they were both wrapped tightly in the other's embrace.

Needless to say, no matter how hard they tried, there wasn't much that could stop the nightmares of that day for either of them.


	16. Chapter 16

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

_Thud – crash – scream – thud thud thud – scream _

Takeshi shot upright in his bed with heavy pants. He looked all around him as he searched desperately for Xanxus, but all he could see was the pitch black of the room he was sharing with Tsuna and Hayato. He wiped away tears from his eyes as he tried to steady his breathing, but it was useless; all he could do was swing his legs out of bed and make his way out of the room as quietly as he could.

The door to Squalo's bedroom was open, and the TV Dino had bought for him was playing softly. Takeshi knew he shouldn't have expected for the other to be asleep; he wasn't the only one suffering horrible nightmares of what had happened…

"Squalo…?" Takeshi poked his head into the room, and he was glad to see that Squalo was indeed still awake and watching the TV. Bel was with him, but Takeshi had expected as much – even so, the boy would go back to his own room if asked; he had been _much _better behaved now that Squalo was slowly helping him quit drugs and alcohol as well.

Squalo said nothing as he gestured for the younger to join them. He waited until his boyfriend was curled up on the bed next to Bel before he reached out and caressed the other's cheek. "Nightmares?"

Takeshi nodded. He closed his eyes as he fought against another wave of tears; all those people… "…Can I sleep with you again…?"

"Yeah, brat."

"Thanks." Takeshi looked at Bel when the boy tugged at his pyjama sleeve. He offered the best smile he could manage in his distressed state before he asked, "What's wrong, Bel?"

Bel licked at his lips before he looked away. He was silent for several seconds before he whispered, "Xanxus… Xanxus did stuff to me, too… I hate him as much as Squ does… We had to sleep in the rain once because he wouldn't stop hurting me… And when Squalo tried to help me… He only got hurt, too…"

"Bel…"

Bel rolled up his sleeve. From the light of the TV, Takeshi could see countless scars from self-harm and the unmistakable marks from years of drug use. He pointed out a particular scar. "That was my first attempt at suicide… After Xanxus raped me… That was why… Why Squalo gave me drugs the first time… I still have nightmares about Xanxus, too…"

"Bel, I'm sorry…" Takeshi wrapped an arm around the older male to try and comfort Bel. He didn't mind when the blond moved closer to cuddle against him; his friend only wanted comfort, and he was willing to give it. "You didn't deserve anything that happened to you…"

"It's okay, though; I met Squ-Squ because of it." A frown crossed Bel's face now. "…Squ-Squ told me… That he doesn't love me… He loves you instead… He said we can't have sex anymore, so I'll be good… But you have to look after Squ; he's all I have…"

"I will, Bel; I promise."

"Bel, go to your room, please." Squalo grabbed the younger's wrist in a gentle manner. "Are you okay sleeping by yourself tonight?"

Bel shook his head. "I don't wanna sleep alone… I'm scared…"

"…"

"I'm gonna sleep with Dino…" Bel didn't wait for the others to say anything about his decision; he sat up and crawled over Takeshi so he could get out of the bed. "Night…"

"Goodnight, Bel. I hope you get some sleep soon." Takeshi smiled at the smaller male. He waited until Bel was out of sight and the sound of Dino's bedroom door opening and closing filled the air before he snuggled in against Squalo. "Hey, Squalo?"

"Yeah?" Squalo wrapped his arm around the younger to hold him close.

"I've been thinking a lot lately… About what happened in the restaurant… It's just… I promised I was going to look after you, but… But I failed… You got hurt trying to protect _me_… Because I couldn't even move…" The doubt that had filled Takeshi's voice disappeared now, instead replaced by confidence. "But I'm not going to let that happen again. No matter what; even if Xanxus comes back, I want to be as brave as you were and protect everyone. I don't… want to see anyone else get hurt…"

"I don't blame you for what happened," Squalo said softly. "I honestly wouldn't have expected for you to act any other way; people were getting shot up right in front of us. You getting up and fighting Xanxus is the last thing I'd have expected. And in all honesty… I'm kinda glad you gave me the opportunity to look after _you_, since it's always been you helping me out… I had 'ta repay ya somehow, ya know…? Even if I lose my other hand, I'd do it again."

Takeshi chuckled. "Well, I really don't want you to lose your other hand, so I don't mind if you pass next time."

"Hn. Yeah, I kinda wanna keep it myself."

The Japanese male laughed. He kissed his boyfriend's lips before he turned his attention to the TV that had been forgotten in the background. "What are you watching?"

Squalo shrugged. "Bel had the remote. Change the channel if you want. It's like three in the morning anyway; I'll be getting out of bed by five."

Takeshi went through the channels slowly until he found early morning anime. He relaxed instantly at the familiarity and made himself comfortable in his boyfriend's arms, but the longer he watched the anime, the more questions started forming themselves inside of his head until he just _had _to ask.

"Hey, Squalo?"

Squalo grunted softly from behind him, the other having been half asleep. "What…?"

"When we go back to Japan… I want you to come with us."

The man's voice was heavy with sleep. "Wha…? Live in Jap… Where…?"

"With me, of course. My pop wouldn't mind, I'm sure. But you don't have to live there; even if you just came up for a bit, I'd still be really happy."

"You know Bel's gonna wanna come too, right…?"

"It's okay; he can come if he wants. I don't mind. ...Hmm… Actually, Squalo… Do you mind if I ask you something personal…?"

"It can't wait til mornin'…?"

"If you want me to, it can."

Squalo sighed. "Go ahead…"

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to. But when you mentioned Bel, I was just wondering… If you guys slept together a lot… Did you ever give each other blowjobs?"

"The fuck…?" Squalo lifted his head from the pillow and glared sleepily at the younger. "Why you askin' that shit…?"

An innocent smile crossed Takeshi's face. "I was thinking just before, that even if you don't want to have sex, you might still want to do other stuff with me."

"…" Squalo dropped his head back onto the pillow. "I've given him blowjobs and handjobs before. He doesn't give blowjobs, though. Only handies if he feels generous. So he gets blowjobs and I fuckin' don't, the spoilt brat."

"Do you want one?" Takeshi was so serious all of a sudden, it made Squalo look at him again.

"What?"

"Do you want a blowjob?" Takeshi moved closer. "I can give you one if you want. I don't expect one back, though; I just want to make you feel good. That's all."

"…" For the first time in what must have been years, Squalo felt his cock twitch with interest on its own accord. He had almost thought he'd never be able to get hard without being jerked off first, but here he was, feeling his pants becoming just a tad tighter than they usually were at the offer.

"What brought that on? Did you switch to porn or somethin' when I closed my eyes?"

Takeshi laughed. "No. But I was starting to consider it. I've never watched porn before. Have you?"

"Yeah – when I was twelve… Pervy brat."

"So? Can I? Give you a blowjob, I mean."

"Shut the door or else Bel's gonna be in here askin' to join."

Takeshi didn't think he'd ever moved so quick before. He closed the door with more force than was necessary in his haste to get back to the bed and kneel between his boyfriend's legs. He reached out with hands he hadn't even noticed were shaking from his eagerness and unbuttoned the other's sleeping trousers. He took a deep breath as he prepared himself for what he was about to do, and without further ado, he lowered his head.

"Oh, fuck… Yeah…" Squalo draped his arm over his eyes at the sudden influx of pleasure he had forgotten existed. "Mmm… Yeah…"

For the first time in eight years, Squalo's orgasm was sincere and powerful, and as he drifted off into sleep, he found himself wondering; sex with Takeshi wouldn't be so bad, would it…?


	17. Chapter 17

"Hey, pop? This is my friend, Bel, and my boyfriend, Squalo. They're the ones I told you were coming from Italy with Dino." Takeshi stood next to Squalo as he beamed up at his dad, so proud to finally introduce them all to each other.

Tsuyoshi stared for several seconds as he processed what had been said; his son… had a boyfriend…? A smile quickly broke out over his face. "Why didn't you say so sooner, Takeshi?! It's nice to meet you both; I'm Tsuyoshi."

Squalo avoided eye contact as he mumbled, "Squalo… This is Bel…"

"Here, let me make you some sushi on the house! I'm just glad Takeshi is making more friends; he doesn't have many."

Squalo, who was holding Bel's hand tightly, squeezed it before he started leading the blond over to the bench so they could sit and wait for their meal. "See, Bel? Sushi, just like Takeshi said."

Tsuyoshi looked at Bel before he asked, "Is he okay? He doesn't look very well."

"He's a bit sick is all; travelling has always been hard on him." Squalo couldn't admit to his boyfriend's father that Bel was suffering from withdrawals because of the flight – how _could _he admit that when all he wanted was for the man to accept him and Bel as they were…?

"He'll be okay, pop." Takeshi sat next to Squalo. "Squalo's going to go and get him some medicine after we eat."

As much as Bel loved sushi, he couldn't do much more than poke at his food. He listened in silence as everyone else conversed happily, but all he could do was let his eyelids slip closed and drift off into sleep as he rested heavily against Squalo.

Squalo wrapped his arm around the boy when he heard the younger start snoring. He looked back at Tsuyoshi when the other spoke.

"Is he yours?" There was nothing judgemental whatsoever about Tsuyoshi in this moment, and it made Squalo just that little bit comfortable to finally start opening up.

"I took him in off the streets when he was really little. My friends had been looking after him for me but we've just transferred him back into my custody last week now that I can look after him again properly."

"Ne, pop, Bel can have the spare room, right? Because if it's okay, Squalo wants to sleep over but Bel gets scared without him and won't stay with Dino."

"Yeah, that's fine! I'm just really happy for you, Takeshi. Is Squalo the one who was with you at that restaurant?"

"Yeah, he protected me." Takeshi beamed up at his boyfriend in thanks. "So it's because of Squalo I'm still alive."

Squalo felt a red tint cross his cheeks. He looked away as Tsuyoshi thanked him profusely for what he had done; did he really need so much attention from someone he had just met…? "…"

"Squalo's shy." Takeshi laughed at the man's objection before he continued on. "But he was excited to meet you. I'm glad everyone's getting along."

Squalo, who had eaten his sushi quickly, pushed his plate away. He lifted Bel into his arms before he stood up. "Where can I put this brat? I'm gonna go get him some… some medicine, but he needs to rest."

"Ah, you can put him in my room for now. I'll show you where it is." The idea of showing Squalo his room was exciting for Takeshi, though he wasn't quite sure of why; all he knew was that he had looked forward to this moment for ages, and now that it was finally happening, he couldn't wait.

The walk to Takeshi's room was mostly quiet except for the teen's humming. When they finally arrived at his bedroom, Squalo hesitated to step in, but with a bit of encouragement, he finally managed to do so. He was gentle as he laid his charge down in the bed and pulled the blankets over him; now that he had finally been able to quit drugs for good – even if he still drank a little every now and then – his moods had been _much _more stable, and a gentle side to him had developed that only Bel and Takeshi would ever know about.

Squalo sat on the edge of the bed as he sighed. "Hey… I'm gonna go find him something to take in the meantime… Can you look after him for me if he wakes? He's probably going to throw up a few times so just keep an eye on him; his withdrawals make him very sick."

Takeshi nodded. "Of course, Squalo. What are you going to get him? My dad is going to be upset if he finds out so can you get anything for him that isn't going to leave a smell?"

"Yeah, that's what I was going to do. I'll have to get him some syringes. I'll sit with him when he does it to make sure he's okay, but I don't want you seeing it."

"I know, Squalo. I won't watch." And then, as soon as Takeshi remembered, he made an excited sound. "Squalo, I have my puppy here! Wanna meet him?"

Squalo, who didn't like animals much, didn't have the heart to say no; the excitement he could see in his boyfriend was something he _never _wanted to take away. With a heavy heart, he nodded. "Sure…"

"I'll be right back!" With that, Takeshi rushed out of the room so he could get his pup from the backyard.

Squalo waited patiently for the younger to return, and though he was frowning inside at the brown fluffball in Takeshi's arms, he forced a crooked smile onto his face. "He's, uh… cute…"

"His name is Jiro. My pop got him for me for my birthday because I didn't have any friends then and he hated seeing me so lonely." Takeshi sat on the edge of the bed next to Squalo so his pup could get close to the man. "I love him so much."

Squalo was hesitant to reach his hand out and pat the dog on the head, but because he knew how happy it would make his boyfriend, he forced himself to do so. He shuddered nervously as the animal licked his hand, but the last thing he wanted was to cause Takeshi any disappointment. "…I'd better go and get somethin' for Bel before he wakes… I'll be back soon, Takeshi. Take care of him for me; he can't be alone until I give him something."

Takeshi nodded. "I'll look after him."

Squalo stood up, ready to leave, but he stopped when he felt the younger grab his sleeve and pull him back. He couldn't help but laugh softly when he felt warm lips on his; of course Takeshi wanted a goodbye kiss; he would never get used to someone wanting such intimacy with him.

"I love you, Squalo~" Takeshi smile was bright, and it in turn put a small smile on Squalo's own face.

"…Love you, too, brat…" Squalo couldn't help but mumble his words; another thing that was going to be hard to get used to saying…

Takeshi beamed at his puppy as Squalo left. He lowered his voice as to not disturb Bel, and with all the excitement that was building up inside of him, he said to Jiro, "He loves me, too, Jiro!"

The puppy barked in response as his tail wagged. He freed himself from the teen's arms and bounded onto the bed, jumping all over Bel when he found there was another person there to play with. He whined when Takeshi went to grab him and pull him away, but when unfamiliar hands reached out and grabbed hold of his collar to tug him closer to the newcomer, his tail started wagging again.

"Sorry, Bel; I didn't mean to wake you." Takeshi watched as Bel turned his head to look at him before the blond sighed tiredly and pulled the pup against his chest to hold tightly. Sickly thin hands slowly patted the dog over and over again until it eventually stopped moving and soft snores filled the air again.

Takeshi couldn't help but smile; just like Squalo had, Bel also was doing _far _better now that he was slowly coming off the drugs, and he couldn't wait to get to know the blond properly when he was clean and piecing himself back together.

_**~~XX~~**_

"You sure you're going to be okay in here?"

"Yeah…"

"Are you _sure?"_

"…No…" An unmistakable sob was heard through Takeshi's bedroom wall, followed by Squalo's sigh.

"...Look, we're right next door, Bel. If you need anything, you know where to find us."

"…Okay…"

"The dog is staying here with you so you're not alone. Goodnight."

"Night…"

Takeshi looked to his bedroom door when he heard the doorknob turning. He smiled when Squalo came back in, and he happily dropped the pen he was holding in favour of getting up and hugging his boyfriend. "Is Bel okay?"

"He's got anxiety again. Poor brat…"

Takeshi dropped his head against the man's chest. "It'll get better when he can adjust to not having drugs."

"I hope so." Squalo sighed again. "Enough about that. How are you going with your homework? Almost finished?"

"I still need you to help me with the last bit; I'm really confused about what it's asking." Takeshi gestured to his desk to reveal the homework Squalo had been helping him do before the man had put Bel to bed.

Squalo nodded. He sat down on the second chair and slid the paper towards him so that he could look at what it was asking. He took his time explaining it to his boyfriend, knowing how the younger was smart and understood easily enough when shown how to do things, but often struggled in deciphering the questions by himself.

Takeshi hummed happily as he answered the question now that he knew how to do it, and once he had finished, he dropped his pen to the desk again and stretched. "I'm tired of homework. Why are you so smart? You've been helping me for three hours now."

Squalo shrugged. "I always did well in school. When I told you about the old man's company, Vongola… There was another branch to it called Varia. I used to be in charge of it back before I met Xanxus. I can't even remember why I did it… But I gave that position up to him and settled for second-in-command. Now he has both and I have nothing…"

"You used to run a company when you were my age?" Takeshi's eyes widened in awe. "That's awesome!"

"It's not as glamorous a job as people make it out to be." Squalo moved to sit on the bed. "I'm gonna read a book for a while. What about you?"

"I might play some videogames before bed." Takeshi didn't mind when Squalo grabbed his bag he had slid under the bed earlier in order to get the book he was reading; he moved to his TV and set his gaming console up so he could get himself occupied as well. The two were comfortable in their own activities for quite a while before Takeshi grabbed Squalo's attention again. "Squalo?"

"Hn?" Squalo tenderly folded the corner of the page he was up to before he looked back at the younger.

"Tonight…" Takeshi put his controller down so he could clamber onto the bed next to the older male. He leant in close. "Tonight, I want to go all the way. Can we?"

Squalo blushed darkly. He looked away as he cleared his throat. "…You wanna go all the way…? With me…?"

"Yeah, of course. You're my boyfriend."

"You know it's gonna hurt, right?"

"Actually…" Takeshi scratched his cheek sheepishly. "I was really hoping you'd let me be on top."

Squalo choked on his own saliva at those words. "You want to – _what?!_"

"I want to be on top." The younger male spoke with such seriousness, Squalo couldn't help but laugh a little.

"But _why_?"

"Because it'd be awesome. Please?" And then, in a playful manner, Takeshi grabbed the other's wrists and gently held them above Squalo's head on the mattress. "Or do I have to prove that I can be dominant?"

Squalo let out a breathy moan as he felt lips kiss his exposed collarbone. He closed his eyes as he tilted his head to the side to give the other more room. "F-fuck…"

"Does that feel nice?" Takeshi poked his tongue out and licked at the pale flesh. He felt his pants tighten even more at the moan he was presented with. "If you let me, I can make you forget all about Xanxus, Squalo."

Squalo cracked open an eyelid so he could look at the other from the corner of his eye. In a challenging tone, he taunted, "Try it, brat."

Taking it as invitation, Takeshi was quick to rid them both of clothing and lavish as much love and affection as he could on the older male's body. He made sure to caress every inch of skin he could get to, and on the wounds inflicted from be it abuse, self-harm or drug addiction, he paid careful attention to and made sure to kiss away all the pain he was sure was associated to such marring. His fingers calloused from years of baseball glided along pale flesh as he learnt quickly each spot that had his boyfriend moaning and calling his name, and finally, when he slid inside for the first time, his lips glued themselves to Squalo's as they moaned and cried out in simultaneous pleasure.

It being Takeshi's first time, he didn't last as long as Squalo could, but it was okay; the teen was only too happy to wrap his lips around the other once again and bring him to completion that way. And then, when they were both coming down from their highs, they laid together on the bed in each other's arms, trying to gather themselves.

"Squalo…" Takeshi nuzzled his nose against Squalo's throat. "…Next time… Next time I want to try it rough.

Squalo snorted. "Next time?"

"Yeah. And after that, I want to give BDSM a try."

"Voi! Don't push your luck, brat!"

Takeshi laughed. "But you'll let me try, right? Maybe not now… But maybe in the future?"

"…Maybe…"

"I've got lots of good ideas about things we could try, Squalo!"

"You're more fuckin' spoilt than Bel is!" Squalo rolled over so his back was to Takeshi.

Takeshi couldn't help but chuckle. "But Squalo liked what we just did, didn't he? I can tell."

"…" Squalo rolled back around to pull Takeshi into his arms. In a soft voice, he muttered, "You're the only person who's ever paid attention to my body… I like that more than the actual sex… If you do that more often, I'd be… more willing to sleep with ya, you know…?"

"Squalo likes body worship?" Takeshi grinned when he received a small nod in response. "That's good, because I love giving it~"

Squalo grunted in response. "…"

"I wish we could stay like this forever." Takeshi snuggled in closer. "I want to be like this more often with Squalo."

"…I don't see why we couldn't be… Just… Just don't expect me to put out all the time; that's all…"

Takeshi nodded. "I love you."

"…Love you, too…"

"Let's go to sleep. Are you finished with your book?"

"Yeah, brat."

"Okay. Sleep time~" With that said, the younger male got off the bed so he could turn the lights off. He was quick to get back on the mattress and cuddle in close to his boyfriend; how could he waste another second away from someone he loved so much? "Goodnight."

"Night…"

With that said, the two quickly fell into the most peaceful sleep they had had in months now that they were finally back together.

**As I try not to post lemons on this site so my account isn't compromised, if anyone wants me to write a separate chapter just for the lemon to post on my Tumblr/Archive of our Own, let me know and I'll get around to doing so. **


	18. Chapter 18

"It's been a long time, Squalo." Takeshi's eyes wandered over his boyfriend's thin form. An appreciative smile was on his face as he admired the other's bangs that had grown out to frame his pale face. "I swear you look better with each time that I see you."

Squalo snorted. He didn't move from the desk he was sitting at; he was too busy writing a report Lussuria hadn't bothered to do. "Why do you say that?"

Takeshi didn't speak again until he was standing next to the older male and he could thread his long digits through silver hair that had never felt so soft before. "Your hair looks great today, and you're actually wearing something clean and formal. You even smell good, too."

"Of course my hair looks good; it's been washed _and _brushed." Squalo couldn't help but feel a tad defensive; he had always been sensitive to the times where his ragged appearance had been pointed out, and even though that wasn't the case, he still felt slightly on edge. "And my clothes are clean because _they _were _washed, _too. Got a fuckin' meeting later today; gotta look my best."

The younger male chuckled. He curled a lock of hair around his finger before he said, "Is Squalo happy he has his old job back?"

Squalo nodded. "I can support myself and Bel now, and I can keep myself busy again."

Takeshi was glad Squalo was looking so well; for the ten years they had known each other, the Japanese male could honestly say he had never known his boyfriend to be happier than he was now that he had been given back his old job Xanxus had once stripped him of. He could remember the old, depressed Squalo who barely had motivation to leave the house and who had to be coaxed into self-care due to lack of motivation – but now, it appeared that even without Takeshi there to keep an eye on him, Squalo was finally motivated and enjoying life enough to look after himself of his own will.

"How's Bel doing?"

"Still a fuckin' pain in my ass… Hardly does his work and his office always reeks of weed."

Takeshi laughed. "But you love him. You wouldn't have let him keep his job if you didn't."

Squalo sighed. "He's too fuckin' spoilt…"

The Japanese male's smile widened. "I know he is. But now that Tsuna sent me back to Italy for a while, we have time to go on a date tonight. Want to do that? Just you and me."

Squalo dropped his pen to the desk so he could finally look at the younger male. His dark eyes crinkled with happiness despite the fact he tried to keep a straight face. "Like I'd be seen in public with you, you big idiot."

"But I'm _your _big idiot." With that said, Takeshi leant down and wrapped his arms around Squalo to give the older male the biggest hug he could. "So tonight at eight. Let's get pizza."

"If we can take it back to my place; I don't want to be out too late tonight – heard rumours Xanxus was hanging around again…"

Takeshi nodded in understanding. Though Xanxus had been listed as a missing person and hadn't been seen in years, Squalo was still paranoid at the thought of running into his ex again. Takeshi couldn't blame him; ten years later and he _still _saw a therapist every now and then for what had happened in that restaurant… "You go straight home, then; I'll go and get the pizza and bring it over."

"Alright. Takeshi, I gotta finish this report because Luss didn't do it. Go hang out with Bel for a while and keep him company; I'll be on lunch soon."

"Okay, Squalo. I love you." Takeshi kissed his boyfriend tenderly before he straightened up and left the office. He couldn't have been happier seeing just how far Squalo had been able to come, and though the same couldn't quite be said for Bel, at least the blond had been able to get off hard drugs, even if he was substituting it all with marijuana.

But even so, Takeshi still had hope that one day, the two of them would both finally be free of their heavy pasts and fix all the broken pieces.

_**~~XX~~**_

"Where's Bel?" Takeshi looked around the living room, surprised to see that his blond friend was nowhere in sight; usually Bel shadowed them wherever they went when Takeshi was over.

Squalo, who was sitting on the couch chewing at his nails, looked up from where he had a book open on his lap. He shrugged. "Probably got someone over; I told him you'd be here soon and he fucked off for once."

"Someone over? Like _that_?" Takeshi frowned.

"He hasn't slept around for five years, brat, leave him alone." Squalo huffed at the accusation thrown at his kid. "Besides, he's seeing some girl as far as I know."

"That'll be good for him, won't it?" Takeshi smiled as he moved to sit next to his boyfriend. He opened the pizza box and put it on the coffee table in front of him before he asked, "Why are you chewing your nails, Squalo? Are you worried about something?"

The older male shook his head. "Nah… Well… Sort of… Was just thinking… What if Xanxus comes back to the company…?"

"There's not much you can do about that, so try not to stress on it. You have security there for a reason."

"I know… Just keeps me awake some nights thinking about what'll happen if he does…"

"Hey, don't think about it now, alright?" Takeshi wrapped his arm around the older male's shoulders to pull him close. "I'm here with you. I'm not that scared kid in a restaurant anymore. If Xanxus ever comes back, I won't let him lay eyes on you. I promise."

Squalo nodded. He dropped his head against Takeshi's shoulder so he could let out a sigh. "…"

"What are you reading?" The Japanese male gestured to the open book still on his lover's lap. "Tell me about it."

Squalo blushed a little at the thought of telling his boyfriend about the romance novel he was reading. He shook his head and mumbled, "It's stupid; don't worry about it…"

"It's not stupid if you're enjoying it – and you obviously are since you're almost finished it. What is it; eight-hundred pages?"

"…One-thousand…"

Takeshi laughed. "So tell me about it. What's happening? Who's your favourite character? You know I love it when you talk about your interests."

"…Well…" In a quiet manner that was unlike Squalo, the man went about telling his boyfriend all about his new novel. He loved knowing that Takeshi listened to every word he spoke; it made him feel so loved to know that the other had a genuine interest in the things Squalo enjoyed.

Takeshi waited until the very end of what Squalo had to say before he leaned forward and pinned his boyfriend to the couch. He grinned at the look of annoyance on the other's face before he said, "You still got the handcuffs I bought for you? I kinda wanna do it on the couch tonight. I wanna blindfold you this time."

Squalo's face flushed. He put up a struggle to break free, but they both knew it was light-hearted; he had long-since stopped fighting against the things Takeshi instigated. "We can't do it on the couch; Bel's still here! You want him hiding around the corner watching?!"

"I don't mind; I think it's pretty sexy trying to hide it from him."

"I'll call him! I'll call him out here right now and you know what he's like! He'll be begging to join!"

"You wouldn't call him; you want to do it here, too; I can feel you against my thigh. The idea alone is exciting you like it is me. C'mon, Squa; live a little. It's not going to hurt if he finds us; the whole fun of it is trying to hide anyway."

"Blabbermouth in there will tell everyone about – mmph!" Squalo's words were cut off by the passionate kiss he was bestowed. He moaned quietly into the kiss when he felt a hand slip beneath the waistband of his pants, but he didn't protest; Takeshi was right and they both knew it.

When they broke apart for air, Takeshi was the first to speak. "Go get your blindfold and your handcuffs. Let's do it here."

Squalo didn't need to be told twice; he wanted it as much as Takeshi, and putting up a small fight only made him more aroused. He hurried out of the living room to his bedroom so he could get what they needed, and on the way he briefly stopped by Bel's bedroom door to see what he could hear. He let out a sigh of relief when he heard the unmistakable sounds of porn playing from the blond's laptop; at least the younger wouldn't be out of his room for a while…

It didn't take long at all to get what Takeshi had asked for and return to the couch. It had been months since they had last seen each other, so it wasn't surprising their love-making session was more lust than affection like it usually was; they were both so needy, it was hard to hold back in the heat of the moment.

However, they more than made up for that as they laid together on the couch in each other's arms, just basking in each other's warmth. Their eyes were closed, and they were both just about on the verge of sleep…

"Why didn't you tell me you two were putting on a show? We could have had a threesome."

Without cracking an eyelid, Squalo grabbed his handcuffs abandoned just above his head and threw them as hard as he could at where he knew Bel was standing. With that done, he allowed himself to drift into sleep; now that he could finally be back in Takeshi's arms, he could finally get a good night's sleep.


End file.
